My due date should have been November 12. I can't stop crying whenever I think about what I've done, but I can't think of how life would be if I hadn't. I made a mistake. A huge one, back in Feb. While my wife and my best friend were working overnight, her husband and I were hanging out, and got drunk, and had sex. I found out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant. It was such a shock, because I had been TRYING to get pregnant for 2 years before, with no luck. We took a break from trying for a while, and then this happened. If I had kept it, my wife would have left me, my best friend would have left me, and with her would go the father of my child. My entire family would have turned me away. I would have been pregnant and alone. I wanted a baby so very badly, but not like that. I couldn't bring my child into such a situation. And I just couldn't handle it. I had a medical abortion. I lied to my family, and told them I was going to the gym each time I had to go in for an ultrasound to see if they could see it. The pain was so great. Sitting here alone at home, waiting for the misoprostal to take effect. Everyone was out of the house, and I was alone, losing my baby. I still mourn the loss every time I think of it, and I know it's all my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid has to allow that to happen. I should have known better. My own sex life had/has been in the shitter, and I found someone who found me attractive. I'm an ugly person, inside and out, and because of that, I lost the one thing I had been striving for for years now. I just wanted to get pregnant, but it happend in the worst possible way. I've never told anyone, except for my doctor, because I had an OB appt 5 days after, and she would have known. I can't tell anyone, never ever. My wife would leave me, and my best friend has wanted to have a baby with her husband for so long, but she can't, and can't afford surgical treatments to try. And he thinks he's infertile anyways because he's had sex with plenty of women in the past, and never got anyone pregnant. I had to find somewhere to put this down, because I'll never be able to tell anyone in my life. I'm so sorry.