When I drink, I cheat.
Posted Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous | 1476 views | 13 comments
I've tried in so many ways to find a way to get this off my chest and honestly, this probably isn't the best way either, but I can't live with this anymore. I'm a wife and a mother to 3 very beautiful children, but I can't say I've been the best or even good at being either. To be 100% honest, I've been a TERRIBLE wife. My husband is deployed ( I know, that makes this even worse) every other year. When he's home, I live a very normal life. A quite boring life. He doesn't like for me to drink or even smoke cigarettes. I feel like I have to be a certain way with him or it's an argument. Don't get me wrong, he's a good man and a wonderful father, but he's very set in his ways. So, when he's gone, I live it up a little. I do things that he doesn't allow me to and for that alone I'm wrong. Well, one of the things I enjoy doing is drinking. I rarely do it in front of my children and if I ever do its only like 1 beer. The problem with that is when I drink and I'm with another man, I cheat. I try not to, but it's like I can't control myself. One would say to just stop drinking and believe me, I say ALL the time that I'm not drinking again, but I always end up doing it anyways. I've done this multiple times and he's never found out and I pray he never does because it would cost me everything, and rightfully so. I know he's never cheated. Sometimes I just wish he would so that I could live with myself a little more. I always have horrible regret the next day, but it's like I can't control myself. I don't want to be this person and no matter how hard I try to change and not be like this, I end up right back at square 1. When he's home I don't have this issue, then again, I don't drink either. My drinking, I don't think, is a problem as far as me being an alcoholic. I don't have to have it and I don't do it on a daily basis, but I know I shouldn't do it. I want to be the wife and mom I know I can be, but I'm not sure I know how. I'm sure I'll get bashed, and if so, I deserve it. I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advice for me or to see if anyone else is or has been in this same situation.
Commented Aug 16, 2012 by anonymous
Can I buy you a drink?
Commented Jun 17, 2012 by anonymous
I understand you are not alone x
Commented Feb 24, 2012 by anonymous
Can I buy u a drink?
Commented Jan 28, 2012 by anonymous
You should stop drinking alcohol...being a mother of three you must think about your family...
Commented Jan 27, 2012 by anonymous
I know it's easy to do so now but please don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes our animal instincts just take over. I've been where you're at and still struggle with fidelity in my relationships. If you've read the confession, 'Once a cheater always a cheater,' that is me. Doesn't make cheating right. But at least you know what triggers your urges.
Commented Jan 26, 2012 by anonymous
You're right and I have stopped drinking. I guess I should have added that in. I've never done that in front of my children and it's never been in my home. This also isn't something I do every weekend or anything. I do feel my husband should loosen the leash a little, but it still doesn't make me right. I can't change the past or what I've done. All I can do I move forward, take it as a lesson learned, and not make the same mistake again.
Commented Jan 26, 2012 by anonymous
A cheating piece of shit, I may be. I'm not using him being gone as an excuse at all. I didn't say I suck as a mother. I've had to be mom and dad through 4 deployments and have done a damn good job. I'm not getting drunk and screwing people in front of my children and my children are very well taken care of. The only thing that makes me feel like a bad mom is the fact that I've done this to their father, which could effect them. And for the record, I don't drink anymore. So I'll make it simple for you, you are a fucking idiot!
Commented Jan 26, 2012 by anonymous
I'll make it simple for you. You are a fucking cheating piece of shit. You are just using your husband being away as an excuse to justify your shitty behavior. It doesn't surprise me that you suck as a mother because everything you do is about making sure you feel good.
Commented Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous
I personally think you're being a little hard on yourself. Don't doubt your value as a mother just because you've had one or two beers in front of your kids. As long as you haven't got absolutely wasted and fucked the mailman in front of them I don't see the big issue. All I'm hearing here is BORED HOUSEWIFE and frankly my dear, if you're husbands deployed for the amount of time you say he is I think he'd do well to remember that you wear the pants in the household. I respect that he's working away for his family but I beleive he's wrong to try and lay down the law with you. HAVING SAID THIS, IF YOU GENUINELY REGRET SLEEPING WITH OTHER GUYS WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HAD ANY ALCOHOL IT MIGHT BE WORTH KISSING THE DRINK GOODBYE. EITHER THAT OR END IT WITH YOUR HUSBAND...
Commented Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous
You obviously didn't take the time to read everything, dumbass! Get a life!
Commented Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous
we almost all do! hello!!!!! STOP DRINKING dumb~ass!
Commented Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous
Thank you so much. You're absolutely right. I really do want to be a better person, it's just hard to do sometimes. I love my husband, regardless of what I've done and I'd never not want to have him as a part of my life. Thanks for the advice and I'm definitely going to take it! :)
Commented Jan 25, 2012 by anonymous
Sounds like you punish yourself by engaging in the behavior that you know causes you shame, guilt, and regret. You sound bored and guilt ridden. Its probably a pattern you've been caught in for a long time you're used to punishing and sabbotaging yourself. There is a way out. First, admit that you are that person and that you choose to do the things you do, second, realize that the real benefit to you is the shame and guilt and negative feelings because you are addicted to punishing yourself, third, know that the knowledge of the cause causes the behavior to change gradually because you are now aware of the real cause - self punishment. Its time to forgive yourself and accept yourself as you are and its okay to have made mistakes, it doesn't make you bad, it just makes you a person who has made mistakes. You will need something else to fill in the space that's left when you gradually start eliminating that behavior. A counselor can help you walk through the process. There is more to life than being stuck in a self-sabotaging cycle of guilt, shame, and regret. Seek real help girl. Make sure you feel confortable with whom ever you decide to trust to be vulnerable with your life issues. Good Luck. People heal all the time and go on to live better lives.