I don't know where to begin. I am 20 years old and my life has been good. actually it's been great. I love my parents, my friend, and my boyfriend of 4 years. You know life always has it's hard times and I think i've hit a major upset. You see, one of my best friends 'dawn' and I decided to go out of state this weekend to see my other friend 'la' and her family. Well things got way out of control. We ended up staying with la's parents and their son who was with dawn the whole weekend. well I ended up spending the whole time with la's parents and we were all drinking, taking pills, and smokin. let's just say we were really fucked up. As the night went on, dawn and david went to the camper and fell asleep, and la's mom went to bed too. that left me and la's dad up by ourselves. he wanted to walk by the fire, and he could hardly even walk. I had to help him every step of the way. He even almost fell into the fire....which i kinda wish now that he would have. ok, maybe not...thats a harsh thing to wish upon anyone. but anyways, he kept saying to me that he's liked me for a while now (keep in mind i've known him about 5 years) and that he just 'wanted to kiss me once' well i don't really know what on earth came over me or what I was thinking at the moment because I actually said ok. I think I was just trying to get him to stop asking me. Well, shortly after that we ended up going back to the camper and he was all over me. He wouldn't keep his hands off of me. I really didn't know what to do because i've never been in that situation before and it was just weird. that is my good friend's dad and I just can't believe it. Anyways, things started getting weirder and I said I was going to bed. he said ok and went and turned out the light and then he layed down with me. I will never forget, and believe me oh god how I wish this never happened, we had sex. I can't believe any of this. I have a wonderful boyfriend of 4 years and I love him so very much. He is my world. I know your thinking 'if he's your world then how could she do that?' Well to tell you the truth, i have no idea. I know that I shouldn't have let it get that far and i sure shouldn't have let him kiss me. I love bc so incredibly much that i can hardly live with myself. I just keep thinking 'what if he found out?' 'what if la's mom find out?' I feel nasty and disgusted with myself right now. I just thought it would help me to express these awful regrets and feelings i'm having. I just don't understand how I could have done this. - So Lost