While I've done the relationship thing in the past I've never been terribly good at it. I'm a rather private person, prefer my space, and hate opening up in general about "feelings," I also have massive trust issues because of some shit I went through in my early teens. Whenever I go through problems my immediate instinct is to simply handle it on my own, and be done with it. Not getting all together too close to people in general, and women specifically, I tend to treat everyone as disposable. They're not aware of this, but I keep it at the forefront of my thoughts at all times. Yes, we may be good friends, but I'm intimately aware that there will come a moment when we fade from each other's lives, so I will have no problem letting you go. That take on life has allowed me to move on from problems relatively easily, until I met 'her'. I'm not a fan of friendships with women, but to her credit she went out of her way to get close to me. When I finally realized it, and that I genuinely cared for her I wanted out. We got into a fight over something that she started and it actually hurt me, and up to that point no woman had genuinely hurt me before. I tried to push her out of my life for it, and the pain I caused her in so doing shocked me. I'd been in long-term relationships, ended them, and had never experienced something this sharp before. I never realized how much I meant to her until the night we were on the phone for 7 hours...We were miserable without one another, renewing our friendship was inevitable really and we eventually forgave one another and are closer than ever. I've been there for her as no one else in her life ever has, and while I still have difficulty discussing my personal feelings (with any one really), I can't imagine my life without her. I love he as a friend, care more about her than any one before I met her or since, and would do anything for her. Friendship; however, is all that we'll ever have (for a myriad of reasons), and because of what she means to me that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Not all loves work, or are even given potential to grow. I'm an adult and it's a fact I understand. I just want her to be happy and if that means that the special smile she reserves for romantic interests is one I'll never have the pleasure to be the cause of then so be it. All that said, to be in this situation with her I foolishly gave up a large measure of the control I maintain in my life and with my personal relationships. I never should have let her get so close...she is a continual source of happiness and sorrow for me and it is maddening. She will be the last woman I ever let get so close to me.