I want to be a good person in life, but my past keeps catching up with me and reminding me of the horrid things I did…back then when I was younger than I am now I always wanted to have a girl in my life, but do to my social awkwardness at the time, I mostly always failed, having very short very few relationships. I had a peaked curiosity about sex so at that time…I went the extreme, at vacation I preformed pedophilic acts (discalimer: I was way under 18, about 12 to be exact) on my two cousins some were minor but the final straw was when I grabbed my cousins hand to touch my groin and fondled her while she was asleep, I felt like scum afterward and rightfully so,I only confessed to my mothers friend whom we treated like an aunt but it still felt like my soul had just sank to the lower level of my body I think back to that day and I think I deserve this overwhelming guilt, but my story does not end here…later on I met these two girl who I once called my friends but now have become seperate. There was one, who I shall refer to as Wendy for now, caught my eye, she was very flirtatious with me but due to my stupidity I could not catch on until we first met together in private without the other girl around…alot of "things" happend that I shall not go into to detail with. things kept happening until I learned that she still had her Boy freind from what she told me sometimes he seemed like he was a giant jerk so I fooled myself into believing by continually having sex with her until she finally put it on a halt….mostly.moving along a couple years later ive met four girls who I all used for sexual activity but from what they had said they never minded and liked it but for now those days are long gone….atleast to me it is. Wendy never forgave me, i'm in a healthy relationship with her freind but wendy keeps trying to convince her to stay away because of what I did to her. even though I admitted and apologized and tried to change as best I could, it was no help to my guilt, I can never reverse history…i'm more social now but..to others, things never change…I won't stop trying to make myself better..