Too much to tell
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 87 views | 0 comments
I was an escort for a couple years, i had a disease that was passed on to many people. Although I didn't know at the time and thought if any contracted the disease that they would have contacted my place of employment, but I did have doubts and fears. In choosing the job I did I got lost and the reasoning for me to do the job ended up on the back shelf. I lost my heart and my soul with every person I was with. I quit my job and a few yrs later found out the truth about the fact that I had spread the disease to many people. But before that I was to rapped up in myself and doing drugs and drinking although i never really knew why, I thought that i was just having fun not realizing I was dealing with underlieing pain. I took advantage of people, not intentionally, to me, but in hindsight I see now what I did. I hurt many good people, people I don't even know the names of, broke up families and destroyed many lives. I destroyed the lives of some of the best people I ever met, and did the one thing I always said you don't do. I threw people away that really cared and I think were my true friends. Until my past came out and everything fell apart. I don't deal with these things at this time because it is not time yet, although I would really like to be able to get it all out but for unseen reasons within myself I am unable. I thouht that maybe by doing this I could try to face my demons because I know that when I do it's going to be so very hard and I don't think thatI am strong enough to do this yet. I keep trying to find faith but it seems to elude me, or maybe I just run from it. I need to start to get this off my chest because although I don't think about it, it is still burning inside of me.
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