I feel like somebody beat me up, literally. Once again, I have had my heart ripped out of my chest, stepped on, and thrown against a brick wall. Last night, my boyfriend took me out to a very nice place to eat, told me how much he loved me, and wanted things to work between us. We were intimate afterward. During that time, he shoved himself in my ass unexpectedly, and it hurt me. As a result, I wasn't as into him as he was me. He became frustrated over that, and started saying hurtful things. I did not raise my voice, or engage in the argument he was insistant on having with me. I asked him why he was acting that way, and that is when he called me a 'fucking moron'. I literally cried my eyes out after we departed company, as his words & actions hurt me very deeply. My stomach was torn up from nerves, and I was up the majority of the night in pain and discomfort. I recieved a message from him today telling me how sorry he was, and to please call him. He claimed he didn't know what came over him, or why he acted the way he did. I hesitated to call him back, but eventually I did. He now tells me he realizes he's not very good for me right now. He also mentioned that he didn't realize how bad of shape I am in financially speaking. He is accumstomed to me having plenty of money to fall back on, and I am currently going through a rough time that way. He claims he can't help me out because of his own financial obligations, yet, he has money to go out with the guys, and buy things for his vehicle, and our night out last night was well over $100, as he tried to impress me with his knowledge of fine quisine. He has given me one excuse after another as to why he can't be there for me, and leaves me messages like, 'well, I guess you're ignoring me now', if I don't answer the phone when he calls. He later denys doing that, and leaves me completely confused. He has also told me I should feel priveleged to be with him, and what a great person he is. It may be the guilt he was feeling earlier, but he said he'd see about getting me some groceries today if he could, but that did not happen. It is the weekend, and I am guessing he's out drinking and playing around with his friends, and I am at home literally starving. I don't understand how he can claim he loves me, when he says and does the things he does. When he has experienced some hard times, I have always been there for him, sharing whatever I have with him, even if it means I've had to make some sacrifices for myself. I have been very understanding through all of his trials and tribulations, and I think that is what you do for a person you care about. He has kept me confused, and stressed out with his actions and words. He twists things I say around, and I've been trying to rationalize 'why' the whole time we've been together. My friends tell me to let him go, but of course, I don't want to loose him. When he's himself, he's very sweet and caring, but he turns into another person that scares me quite often, and it has esculated over time. It appears that he knows he has some issues to work out within himself, as he admitted it. I realize none of us are perfect, and would allow him the opportunity to do that with me, but it doesn't seem like he really wants to put that much of an effort into 'us'.