Wow, where do i being, well hello :) I'm a 14 year old girl and i am lesbian. I know what you might be thinking "Calm down, you're only fourteen", "What would you know about being a lesbian, you're too young" or " Don't worry, it's only a phase you're going through". It's funny how often those quotes are commonly used when people try to tell me that it's wrong, or i'm being idiotic or even i'm going to hell if i keep this up. They don't understand, ever since i was little i've always knew i was different. I never really seemed to see boys the way other girls in my class did. I convinced myself that i was still young and having a crash on boys would eventually come when i'm older and i understand more about it. But that never really seemed to have happened. As i was growing up i'd look at girls and think "Wow she's beautiful" or "I wanna marry someone just like her when i grow up", and i thought that was normal and being honest. As i grew older, my thoughts towards female has gotten a lot... What's the word? Mature?. I remember when we went swimming at school, us girls would all go to the change rooms and change. I couldn't help but cheek them out and think sexually towards them. And i was only nine!...NINE! I guess that was the age i started questioning myself. I came to the conclusion i was confused and lied to myself that i was normal like everyone else. But as i turned 10 i started having crashes to girls in my class and i never told anyone about it, but i'm 'then' best friend. She spread rumors about me and everyone knew i was different. I didn't let it get to me, well i tried not too. I lied when people came up and asked me. And i stopped talking to my "best friend of a bitch". So i went to high school and i was about the age 13, things were pretty good, untill the rumors returned. See this bothered me because now the students are old enough to actually know what lesbian meant and i got bullied for it. My group of friends left me and i got physically bullied. I'd go home and lie to my parents about it and cry myself to sleep. I didn't want them to know because they are very religions and they'd kill me if they knew. The bullying continued and got worse. They started throwing rocks at me and telling me i was a waste of sperm or space, i'd go to hell, god didn't love me, everyone hates and more. I started to believe in those and i started to hate myself. I started cutting and things just wont good. Towards the middle of the year, my parents were called by the school to tell them i was at the hospital, because i stopped eating and drink water and i was very ill, this one kid had thrown a rock on my head and i fainted? I can't remember, but when i got home my parents started questioning me and i told them everything. And to my surprise they understood and already caught up on my sexuality years back. They said to me that no matter what happens, they will always love me. They told me to have gone to them for help and they were right, i should have. I'm so lucky and blessed that god has given me my parents. They spot me and look out for me now. They try to help me as much as they can and they listen. See, i'm sharing my story for those who are going through the same thing as me, i just want you to know that you're not alone. You should seek help through your care giver. Know that no matter how shitty things are, i just want you to know that someone will always love you and be there to pick you up when you break. Just don't stop believing in yourself and being who you are. You deserve to be her as much as anyone else around you. You are special and unique. I just wish i could have seen that in myself earlier. Well goodbye now