when i was 8 yrs old i was molested by my dad. it continued until i was 16. i was also physically and emotionally abused by him. i left home at a young age, and married a wonderful man, who was my best friend and soulmate. we had a daughter and were married for 18 yrs. he was an alcoholic however, and died suddenly at age 39. i became a widow at 35 yrs old. heartbroken, lost, broke, and once again my father was trying to be very controlling after my husband died. i had a teenager to finish raising and no money. only my measly pay as a preschool teacher. i went back to work only 2 wks after he died. i started dating a man that worked for the same company as my husband. my husband and i knew of him and his family for many years. we had always known them to be very successful people. well, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we were together for three 1/2 years. he told me every day he loved me before leaving for work. we had great sex. we partied together. we traveled together. we loved to go boating and to the beach and enjoyed a lot of the same things. we bought a house and i gave him 3thousand dollars towards the paymnt. i also gave him a check for 6 thousand (along with 3 th. he chipped in)to invest on a stock that his family was also investing in. well i started suspecting he might be cheating on me. i would ask if things were okay and he would say we have the best relationship in the world babes, stop worrying! well, 3 wks ago he called me one night at 6pm and said hi babes, i'll be home about 9:30 tonite. he never came home. the next day i called his cell phone from work and he was completely a different person. he told me he didnt want to be in a relationship and needed a break. well, he wound up kicking me out without anywhere to go, no car and no money. i was so stupid to trust him and believe him. i ignored all the warning signs. i caught him cheating on me one night when i went to the house. i freaked out and destroyed the house. i got arrested for malicious damage and spent the night in jail. and here i am. i can barely express how much my pain my soul is in. life has been nothing but disappointments and betrayals for me. oh, did i mention my only child has severe kidney disease since she was 2, and needs a transplant? she was also diagnosed last year with a brain cyst after having migraine headaches. every morning i wake up waiting for the next boulder to drop from the sky. i've thought of suicide, but my heart amazingly still wants to give more love away. i dont know why i keep wanting to live despite being treated so horribly by the very people i trusted with all my heart and soul. i give 110percent and get nothing but abused, lied to, cheated and ripped off. i am terrified of the future and dont know how much more i can handle. please Lord save me.