SNAKES ON A PLANE: WHY THE SCRIPT MAKES NO SENSE... Mmm. I've spent a bit of time on this just lately. Firstly, I liked the title, 'Snakes On A Plane'. I thought it was going to be one of those 'joke-a-minute' post-ironic cracks at making a tongue-in-cheek popcorn movie. Then I got caught up in the hype, the internet buzz and the TV ad campaign until the point when I kinda got obsessed about seeing what all the fuss was about. Then I saw the movie yesterday, which was OK for what it was but not the laughfest I thought it would be. Then, last night, I fell into a dream which, strangely enough, involved some snakes on a plane. And when I woke up later, I started thinking about how implausable the plot of the film was. Essentially the baddy in the film decides to kill a prosecution witness by contacting a snake breeder in the Mohave desert and getting him to supply several hundred exotic snakes from around the world. Then the baddy arranges to get the snakes both shipped from California and then stored in a special snake facility in Hawaii. The baddy then purchases a large amount of flowers for the pheromones contained within them, which, when released, will apparently convert the normally good-natured snakes into crack crazed reptilian bastards. He then surrepticiously arranges for both the snakes and the flowers to be placed in the haulage section of a plane and arranges a bomb with a timer to blow up the flowers, liberate the pheromones and get the snakes into a feeding frenzy on the plane flight from Hawaii back to L.A. All of which will result in lots of mulilated body parts, numerous deaths, some fucking nasty bites and, very probably, the loss of a 747 into the Pacific ocean. In reality, this would have to be an expensive proposition wouldn't it? Not much change out of a couple of million dollars I would have thought. Plus you'd need some logitistical geniuses to co-ordinate everything properly wouldn't you? So why go to all that trouble? Why not just shoot the prosecution witness? And save a couple of million bucks on the job? Tsskkkk. These friggin' Hollywood scriptwriters are just nuts aren't they? It wasn't in any way connected with like, a zoo or something. Nope. It was a very basic assination job. Except, instead of doing it the quick, clean, simple way with a gun, they decided to spend a couple of million bucks co-ordinating around 500 snakes to go buck-wild on a 747 jet, just for the off-chance that one of those fucking snakes could actually manage to bite the prosecution witness. Which never happened anyway. Virtually the only guy who didn't seem to have much of a problem with the snakes was the guy they were meant to get! Some fuckin' film. What next. Tarantulas On A Tram? Piranhas In A Pram? These Hollywood guys are having a laugh aren't they......... BADA BING X