my one true love
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 181 views | 0 comments
I love him with a ferocity that frightens me. I crave his body, his mind, his soul. I feel lost without him and yet never alone as he is always with me. The passion he released in me never dies away and it makes my want to cry just thinking about how much we love each other. Having him completes me. Losing him terrifies me and the thought of causing him pain destroys me. Yet every day I know I do. He is married. His heart is not completely mine and I feel guilt every day because of that. I did not intend to fall this deeply in love with him but it was impossible to stop. You do not choose this kind of love; it chooses you. We decided to give it a year. By July we will decide what to do; make a go of it together or go our separate ways, him back to his wife. The painful thing is: if we both agree I cause him the pain of losing his wife and possible various things from his friends to his career. But the thought of losing him is more agony that I can bear. My selfishness devours me. Sometimes I think I should be woman enough to walk away and save him the despair of choosing. But I'm too much of a girl to. I have always hated people who crowbar in to other relationships but now that I am one of those people, I finally understand. Maybe it's because he and his wife have had a kind of open relationship in the past (although I am the only other person he's slept with since they married). Maybe it's just because it's me. And him. And us. Forever. Just maybe.
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