I am so embarrassed and confused. 23 years ago, when I was 22 and married to a wonderful man, I had unprotected sex with his older brother. My husband was traveling on business during his annual end of year sales push and I was young, bored and feeling neglected. My husband's older brother Mike was married with 3 kids at the time. .Mike was in construction and was a handsome in a sort of blue collar way. Anyway, Mike invited me out to dinner with him and his wife Kathy. When I arrived at the restaurant a little late, Mike was already there. He told me that Kathy had to stay home with her oldest, who had the flu. There was a wait so Mike suggested we go to the bar for a drink. One drink led to another and about halfway through I started to cry. Mike asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was lonely, hated to be left alone for a month at a time, and was having second thoughts about the marriage. Mike was very understanding. We talked about my husband Jimmy's work, about Jimmy not wanting to start a family for 5 more years, and how I so badly wanted children like he and Kathy. I was pretty high and feeling really vulnerable when the waitress came over and said the table was ready. As Mike and I stood up to go, I lost my balance and fell into him. He grabbed me and held me for a second. I kind of just melted. Mike asked me if I was OK and I said that I was a little drunk and thought we should go. Mike walked me out to my car and at that moment I wanted him. I asked him to give me a hug and that led to kissing. We got into my car and Mike started kissing and caressing me. One thing led to another and I ended up at a local motel off Highway 99. I had sex with Mike 3 times that night. Each time was unprotected. Mike came over 2 days later to the house and that's when I think he bred me in my own husband's bed. Anyway, my husband came home the following week and I missed my period the following week. I know that my eldest son is not my husbands. For 20+ years I lived in fear that Mike would tell. He and Kathy had split up and he started drinking really heavily. At a couple of family gatherings when my son was about 10, Mike came on really strong when we were alone. When I rebuffed him, he threatened to tell my husband. Mike died recently and the fear that I felt has eased. Now I feel confused and sad knowing that my son's father is dead.