Marriage Confessions
Posted Mar 29, 2011 by MadeOfPain | 1696 views | 8 comments
My husband
and I are trying to heal years of hurt. We have talked about divorce and are
currently visiting a marriage counselor. Our marriage confessions are not helping
the healing but the counselor insists they are necessary to help us decide. The
truth is that I don’t want a divorce even though I am the hurt part. I know I
should stand firm and my friends told me if I come off as soft, he will take
advantage and go back to his affairs.
He had affairs with three women and I didn’t get to hear about it until one of the three fought with him over the other two. I was shamed and mad when the slutty bitch accosted him at a party. And yes, she knew I was the wife. Our friends were there and she created a scene; it was the first I had heard of it and you can imagine my shock. He confessed everything at home and begged for forgiveness. I have put him on ice ever since and gone through pain and grief; I have tried to hate and hurt him but I still can’t. I don’t want to appear soft or needy yet I can’t look at him the same way. I want to save my marriage; I want his confessions never to have happened but there’s nothing I can do, is there? It feels like I’m falling and there is no joy in anything anymore.
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Commented Sep 18, 2011 by anonymous
MadeOfPain - That just SCREAMS 'teen angst.'
Commented Apr 10, 2011 by Mad Helen
Hi, I can very well understand what you are going through because I'm going through the same. Compared to me, I think you are handling it rather well. So, I'm not sure if I qualify to give you advice but I'm going to give it anyway. Sister, don't let him off easily. Whether you stay with him or not should be determined by the sincerity of his confession and his actions. Don't believe a word he says; listen to his actions; is his contrition genuine? is there a chance he could keep his word henceforth?
Commented Apr 8, 2011 by LolaB
Yours is one of my greatest fears about married life. I guess if I were in your shoes, I won't know what to do too. I can well imagine the anguish you must be going through. I'd advice that you spend some away time from him. This will help you sort out your thoughts without hating him every time you see him. Seek out some friends or family to stay with. They can take care of you without being overtly judgmental. Professional help is also good but I have found out that help from those you know and who care can do more for you.
Commented Apr 7, 2011 by anonymous
First of all, you have to understand that you've done nothing wrong here and that it likely isn't about you. Guys cheat for all kinds of reasons and most of the time it's because there's something going on in their life that they can't handle. What you need to do is start an open dialogue with him. yes, it's okay for him to be hurting and to feel ashamed for what he's done, he deserves that. And you two need to figure out if you truly love each other and if the marriage is worth saving. Do you love him? That doesn't make you needy, it makes you a person who is good enough to give a person you love a second chance. But remember, only give the second chance if you think he truly deserves it and can improve himself.
Commented Apr 3, 2011 by anonymous
have you asked him yet what the others give him sexually that you don't? Also there are more ways to get excitement out of life then having a mistress. Try to get him to do adrenaline rushing things, that are safe for his marriage