This is a new update from a past confession: I've loved my cousin X since I was 13. I'm not straight... But X is. From what I know of. We've never had a close relationship, and I've always been jealous of his relationship with my younger cousin because they've always been close and inseparable. I've never had that with X at all. He has a girlfriend now, and I'm happy for him. But in the back of my mind, I still have fantasies about him and wonder if we could ever be together. But maybe it's never going to be my dream come true. I've always liked my cousin X but haven't come out to him--too afraid to--and haven't visited him when his parents (my cousin and step cousin) weren't home so I could get head lol But my boyfriend recently broke up with me a month ago, and I've felt very alone due to the lack of gay boys here. All my cousins, including X, used to gay bash me as a kid so that should say something about who he is. So now I'll be waiting for him... I've been secretly liking him since I was 13... But I always have and always will be.... Now I've been wanting a relationship but I just have to stop caring about wanting one and it will come. I'm now openly gay too (except to most family) But for some reason I can't shake my feelings for X... How can I try to start at least--if I should? So today I went over his house to see him and his mom since its Thanksgiving. I got his number and I texted him. I told him before we left that he could always come over to my mom and I's house if he ever wants to and he said ok. I've always wanted him to come over because I'm in love with him... It's a stupid thing to think, I know, but I can't get him out my head. I'm not as in love with him as I used to be, but I'm still attracted to him. So what should I do? I don't label myself as gay or straight or bi but I haven't really told him--or the adults of my family--what I am. What I love is what I love. But I've loved X since I was 13... So it's not like I can just get over him if it's wrong to even tell him.