Forgive me society for I have sinned. It has been "never" since my last confession. For many years now I've lived with the guilt of never properly appologizing to my highschool friends Maria Elliot, Brad Shaw, and Andy Petzel. I tried getting a hold of Maria and Andy, but they dropped all ties with me, and as for Brad I'm working up the courage. Maria: You're the first on this list, for out of the three, I felt that I mistreated you the most. My asperger's syndrome, plus the difficulty of fitting in with the people around me, as well as my own self loathing were not good enough reasons for me to have made fun of you and your religion (Christianity), nor were they sufficient enough reasons for me to ignore your repeated requests for me to stop. You were right. We were never really friends. Despite that, we're both to blame for the death of our disfunctional relationship. There were times you would laugh at things out of nervousness, and despite the many times I told you about my mental disorder and how it limits my ability to pick up on social ques, you would always berrate me for it along with the other things I did. Also, your whole speech on "I won't be a friend for you, but I will be a friend to you" was a crock of shit. Out of all the verbal diary that came out of your mouth (god works in mysterious ways, gay people will burn in hell in front of the eyes of god, etc.), that was probably the dumbest thing I had ever heard you say. The look on your face when I told you "Either be my friend or don't, just don't jerk me by the leg!!" was bittersweet. It felt so good to put you in your place, to get you to shut up and walk away, yet to this day I wish that I had another chance to be a better friend. Andy: I loved you dude, you were so funny, awesome, and full of life. You were the only person I ever met that could rock a mullet. I think part of the reason you dropped ties with me was because you were close to Maria. Even though I told you about my fight with her, I begged for you and Brad to not pick sides, though it looks like you did anyway. The other reason was obviously because of me. Like Maria, I didn't listen to your requests to stop, but for different reasons. You told me you were afraid of what others thought of you, so you told me to stop acting silly for your sake. Why did I have to change just so you could conform to the whim of a thousand other people who may or may not have judged you? I was your friend, they were strangers/mild aquaintances, but you chose them over me? I am sorry for the way I treated Maria; she was your friend too after all. The fight she and I had was between me and her, I told you all you needed to know and that was it. Aside from saying I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend, I do recall a moment where I called you an whiny bitch behind your back. I'm sorry I did that dude, you deserved better than that, no matter what your beliefs were in terms of society. Brad: You and I kept telling each other that we were best friends. I'm not going to sugar coat this dude, but we were kidding ourselves. You and I were both highly immature, even if it was mostly for how others treated us. We were nice to each other, as normal friends would, but deep down dude, you pissed me off so much that the bad began to outweigh the good. Yeah I treated you to a sandwhich from subway every now and then, but I said it before and I'll say it again "I was not a fucking cash ride!". Every time you'd find out that I was going to subway you'd ask if I would buy you a sub. I remember that one day I lost it, and bitched you out because you couldn't buy yourself a god damned sub. You got pissed off and said "Well I would if I had a job, but my parents are too busy to drive me to *withholding name of city for privacy reasons* so that I can pass out applications and blah blah blah" After a while I began to dread getting mixed in with you guys, partly because I began to see how much of a douche I was to you all, but also because the three of you drove me nuts in your own right. The Valentines Day Pickup Line Contest was the last straw. Granted, my pick up line was the cleanest one out of nine other people. "I seem to have misplaced my heart, I was wondering if you had it?" was mine, in case you forgot. Sure, the other nine, aside from you had filthy ones too, but they were nowhere near as bad as yours: "High my name is pogo, wanna jump on my stick?" The day before the contest, you had asked Andy and I if we would hear yours and let you know what we thought, remember? We literally told you that it was a bad idea, that we were only telling you that because we cared for you enough to where we wouldn't let you go up on stage and make an ass out of yourself! You ignored us and did it anyway. Yeah it was your choice to go up anyway, but it showed me, and probably Andy as well, how much our word meant to you. Once graduation came and went, I vowed that I wouldn't say anything to you three. I vowed to keep all this pain locked up inside. To drop what few ties remained between us. After I went into college, you still thought that we were friends. You called me up and acted as if nothing changed. Every time I'd check your facebook page, you'd send me a message down the road about how we should catch up. Our friendship died the moment I left for college. It died after Andy dropped ties and after Maria shunned me. It has remained dead every time I checked your page because that's how I felt after the way I treated all three of you: dead. Your happy messages meant, and still mean nothing to me. I only check because I'm curious, but not because we're friends. Hate me if you will. If you do, just hate me and me alone. I'm saying this, no one else is with me on it. This time "DON'T FIGHT TO GET PEOPLE ON YOUR SIDE". This is between the three of you individually and me. If either of you are reading this, I want you to know that I am sorry for all the pain I caused, but also glad it's over.