You're Muslim. I'm Agnostic. For as long as we've been together, I've been struggling with not only my identity, my depression, and my sexuality, but also what's to come in our relationship. I've put you through a lot and that's no secret. But what's been hidden for so long is slowly surfacing from deep inside of me. We both can sense it. I'm falling apart but you just don't know it yet. I'm not just sad. And I don't just have "things on my mind". In fact, hardly have anything on my mind these days. And that's what bothers me. The mind is supposed to be this vast, shape-shifting place, yet mine seems to be slowly shrinking, wrapped around the same handful of hopes, wishes, and fears. You see, I've been thinking a lot lately. Just how will our differences make way through the storms that are ahead of us? We're so different from each other, and I feel as though you hardly know me at times, despite confessing to you that you do. I'm all messed up. I'm as insecure as they come, bleeding my emotions all over the place if left unattended. When I stare into mirrors it's like beaming down a vast sea of nothingness. --Why did you choose to stay with me anyway? Despite all I've done? Despite the suicide attempts, the cheating, and desperate need to be perfect? Is it all because somewhere deep inside of you, you really do sense something good within me? Like you've said many times before you do? Or is it because you want me to be the girl you dream of? That high-spirited, strong-willed Muslim woman, who's dedicated to being there hand and foot...That woman who can take everything you say with stride no make how sharp your words are. But that's not me. You're asking for somebody else. Can't I be someone else? Like, myself? The same self that excuses herself whenever we're out in public because you can't stand being embarrassed? I just don't know what to do with myself. You just don't know how hard it is knowing that you're embarrassed by me. I wish everyday and every night that I were muslim, straight, beautiful and different...but I'm not. I love you so much.