About 2.5 years ago I decided that I was too young and unsure to be engaged. I told him (T) that I wanted to take a break and make sure he was the one I wanted to be with 100 percent. During this, T and I went out for a friends birthday. There I met the most amazing guy, J. I had never seen J before, and yet he looked so familiar. Many times I dream of something/someone and it comes true. J was the man of my dreams, literally. We ended up hitting it off. T and I were still living in a 1 bedroom apt, and I was spending more and more time away. We had signed a lease for a 2 bdrm apt and were moving in soon, so I would get my own bedroom. After we moved, T found out that J and I had made love, and T decided that he didn't want me in his life anymore. I was devastated to see him walk out of my life. T was my best friend, and who I turned to for comfort for 2 years. I haven't talked to him since, and have come to terms with the loss. J on the other hand, we have been together ever since. Kind of. We break up, don't talk to each other for a while, get horny/drunk, have sex, and then get back together. Its about more than sex though. We do the normal couple-ly things (Go out to eat, travel, visit families, spend the night next to each other...blah blah) I have dreamed of us having children, our own house. I've woken up next to him feeling like I've done it a million times. He has night terrors, and sometimes I get hurt when he has an episode, but I want to be there to keep him safe and comfort him afterwards. I feel so drawn to him. Sometimes I feel like he feels the same way, and sometimes I don't. He won't label himself my 'Boyfriend' or me his 'Girlfriend'. He says he loves me but isn't "in" love with me. He's cried when we talk about breaking up, or when we do break up, or even just thinking about a weekend without me... He had the same thing that I did to T happen to him. (Thought he was gonna marry a girl, she cheated on him/broke up with him, and broke his heart) He hasn't even talked to me about it, all I know about that I learned from a mutual friend. Sometimes I feel like he's scared that I'm going to do it too. If he asked me to marry him today, I would say 100% yes! But I know he wont. I'm scared of losing him to someone he can be "in" love with. I'm scared he's going to freak out about being 26 and not married and stuff like that, like all his friends seem to be doing. I'm scared of losing him period. I don't know what I would do...