Cutting
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 110 views | 0 comments
Every time something happens, it could be anything that upsets me or that I disagree with, I have to cut. I hate myself for it and it looks hideous but I every time I have a negative thought, nothing else will help except to cut and see the blood coming out. My boyfriend is very sweet and loving and I never want to be with anyone else, but I can see it's distressing him- only every time I see what I'm doing to him, I cut because I hate myself. I cut when I'm angry, when I'm depressed and when I'm feeling nostalgic. Currently I have 169 scars on my arm and 42 cuts, I hide it under long t-shirts so that no one can see what a total idiot I am but my boyfriend does know. I've made 7 suicide attempts and I'm only writing this because it's confidential and I need to know if anyone has any suggestions upon how to stop. My boyfriend is drinking more than he used to and I feel responsible, but I don't know how to stop! I think that if I die, I'll solve all my problems but I don't want to lose him. Has anyone had any experience with this? The deaths in my family gave me depression but I was so sure that by feeling anger I was over that. Please, I just want it to stop.
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