I haven't told anyone this, and I feel like it would make my stress go down a bit if some people at least knew and I could get it off my chest, so here goes. I'm a 41 year old male, I haven't been on a date since high school and I mostly sit at home and play WOW because I'm not pathetic on that game. Since I don't really go outside or get exercise I'm fairly overweight and in poor health, I don't really bother showering or cleaning myself or my home, because I am alone and have my mom order all of my food to the house and I wear a halloween mask when I answer the door and say it's just a prank and give them a high tip so they won't make fun of me or bother me. My sex life is quite unsatisfying, I haven't touched or spoken to a girl in real life in about 3 years (last time I talked to a girl was when I was at the store buying some toilet paper). This is pretty embarrassing, but it doesn't matter since none of you can bully me in real life, so I'll admit how I actually 'get off' these days. There's some old clothes from my grandmother who passed away about 6 years ago, which is stored in my apartment. So I drag out all of the stuff my grandmother used to wear when she was alive, (stockings, panties, bra) and I dress up in them and then put on lipstick and dance to sleazy pop music like Ke$ha, it makes me feel sexy and wanted. Every time I have family come to visit from out of town I just don't answer the door or any of their calls and my mom tells them I'm home but I just don't respond to them. I don't want them to see how I am. I don't even like to see my mom often. Maybe once or twice every two weeks. I just call her because shes too stupid to text. But there was one time she came over and I was dressed in my grandmothers clothes and that was pretty embarrassing. she asked me why I was doing it and i simply told her that it was a new popular thing; that everyone did it. She'll buy most things I say when it comes to young people. The few times I go out is when she is sick and I need to get food or other things, but when I do go out, I often find my self driving through the elementary school carpool line just to make myself feel like i have a family. People will wave to me and it feels nice, but one time I wore a mask and they made me leave instantly. Usually when I do have to make my trek out of the house it's very very embarrassing and I sometimes starve myself just because I don't want to go out and no pizza places are delivering. When I actually do brave the outside, I don't talk to anyone or even make eye contact, once when having to check out at a walmart, the woman at the register made eye contact with me and I couldn't take it and left my card and all of my items there and ran to my car then went and canceled my card when I got home. Please give me some support in the comments below, because my stress has been piling up and I might end it all soon. I need an alternative though because I'm so scared to end it. Maybe I'll just do it the pussy way and stay inside until I decay away.