atomic diarrhea,
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 176 views | 0 comments
sharpened the business end of my broadsword on the southeast corner of my bronze age dwelling and sheathed it in the custom scabbard one of my many bitches had fashioned from the scrota of my enemies. She was a prime piece of Viking poontang, that one. Facing the midnight sun, I knelt on a patch of earth designated special for kneeling. 'Valhalla, I am coming,' I intoned. 'By Odin, I shall drink the feces of my enemies. The reason I'll be able to drink it is because they'll be scared, and fear often results in diarrhea. Amen.' Later in the day, as I sunk my sword into a defenseless old man's eye socket, I thought twice about the whole drinking diarrhea oath. Sven gave me a lot of shit over it, no pun intended. 'Ooo, Odin's gonna smite you good, Thundar,' he kept saying, the little pain in the ass. 'You promised him you were going to drink their doody!' So I was like, 'Look Sven, first of all, it would be a total hassle to get the diarrhea. I'd have to: cut open the slain's abdomen; find the large intestine, or, duodenum (I ain't drinking shit that hasn't gotten at least that far); drain the large intestine into some kind of cup, since diarrhea isn't exactly something you can pick up with your hands. What was I supposed to use for that anyway, the skull? That wouldn't be feasible, because: skulls are for drinking blood; and it takes a good week to cure a skull so that it's suitable for beverages (a category into which I think diarrhea, the liquid shit, fits neatly).' 'Yeah, ok Thundar, you're all talk, no walk,' Sven said. Gods, I hate that little prick.
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