Wrong Body, Wrong Gender.
Posted Nov 28, 2012 by anonymous | 400 views | 3 comments
I'm a chick in my teens, but I sometimes "forget" my gender. It's like I was supposed to be born a dude, and somewhere inside of me I recognize that and my "guy" self just comes out. One probability I always keep in mind is that I was going to have an older brother, but because he died before being born, part of his soul might be "with"and a part of me. I've also tried talking to my mum (my dad died. Don't pity me.) about it , though not bluntly. I asked her what she'd do if I wanted to be a dude (transgender), and she looked at me and said "I wouldn't let you live in the same house as I, but of course you're just joking." So I've been keeping quiet ever since. I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable and even though I like guys I seem to be amore attracted to chicks (vagina maybe, lol?). I dress up like a guy regularly, but sometimes me mum makes me dress like a chick. I use a larger size of clothing to hide my brest, but it's becoming a drag. And the fact that I have to hide that I enjoy watching girls going at it with other girls just kills me. I can't express my feeling for motorcycles and guitars, nor my thinking habit which is very stupid and guy like, I can't horse play and mess around with other dudes because pips would look at me more weirdly (i get enough of that already). And I feel that telling someone would make them think badly of me, and maybe even question what goes on in my house, and then they'd probably tell my mom. And I'd die. I know there are plenty of people like that and that i'm not alone...but right now in this diverse and heavily populated state, I feel completly helpless and alone.
Commented Nov 29, 2012 by anonymous
Gosh, I don't know where you are located, but at some point, you're probably going to have to move to a big city like LA, San Francisco, or New York where you can just be yourself and find others who are much the same. You may just have to tough it out until you can move out on your own. I've really come to believe less in psychology and more in biology over the years, that men and women really do contain essential parts of each other in each other, some more repressed than others due to societal and personal pressures. For instance, to pick a trivial example, guys have nipples. Where did those come from if we don't all come from the same transgender source? And Jung talks about animus and anima from a psychological standpoint and I think he's on to something there too. I've known women over the years who simply have more machismo and guys who are feminine in physical appearance and behavior. It's all cool. For some, it isn't an act. It's wiring. It's being. I feel for them trying to shoe horn themselves into a simplistic societal role that simply doesn't fit. Also, as a transgender, you bridge the sexes and I think there is something inherently special about a person that intimately understands both sexes. So, in short, I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but your life is going to be inherently more complicated. I would look up other transgender people and try to find out how they dealt with their particular orientation. For the man transgender, I'm a fan of Antony myself and I'm about as hunky a hunky man as you can get. I see the feminine in him and appreciate it for what it is. He's a beautiful soul. Period. See his rendition of Leonard Cohen's If it Be Your Will and tell me you don't understand this performance as a transgender masterpiece. There are so many cool transgender females over the centuries, so you are in good company with some of the most amazing people on earth. Embrace it. Everyone else will simply have to adjust. And if they can't, too bad for them. There will be others who will appreciate you as you are. All the best in discovering the mystery of your own self.
Commented Nov 29, 2012 by anonymous
it's not exactly dat u r in a wrong body... actually, you create this mindset of being a boy yourself. try to indulge with people and u will realize that guys n gals have a special sweet corner for u.
Commented Nov 29, 2012 by anonymous
Make new friends near your neighborhood & remove your isolation.