I am engaged to the woman I have been with for the last 8 years. She is a sweat hard working woman. We have a absolutely beautiful little girl. She will me 2 in October. Funny that will be about the time I get my last hiv, hepatitis, and herpes 2 test. I lost my virginity to a street walker about 8 or 9 years ago. My wife to be has no clue. She was the first woman I had sex with I didn't have to pay for. I was a very lonely man most of my life. I could find anyone who wanted to be with me until I met Jennifer. She was actually very attractive and down to earth. Little did she know the monster she was getting involved with. I didn't date after middle school. No girl I met was interested in me. I didn't have sex till I was 21 years of age. I developed a habit of pornography, strip clubs, and hookers. The worst kind of hookers, street walkers...I actually picked them up off the street corners. Too many to count. The kind of ridicules crap you see on tv. Drugged out, crack whores, you name it. Initially just blow jobs from time to time. I honestly could not tell you how many. That however got boring and I progressed to swing. Mind you this has occurred over the course of 9 or so years. Me and Jennifer have been together for going on 8. I finally got to the point where I could not keep putting her at risk and I wanted to end our relationship. I told her I had slept with 6 or 7 different woman mostly protected. There was 1 or 2 hookers and a few swingers I slep with unprotected. I was even quite scared at one point I had slept with someone who had hiv. A prostitute told me another prostitute I had slept with was arrested for soliciting and aggressively charged because she had hiv. I freaked out and went to the emergency room but they would not test me. I eventually figure out I had to go to the health department and got tested. I ended up being ok. I tried to stop for a while but ended up going to more respectable establishments. I would visit message parlors and such. I had no Idea such places existed particularly in the bible belt. In fact i live in a small city in North Carolina and this is a parlor 15 minutes from my house. 3 years ago I drew the line I had sex unprotected with a street worker and my boby started to break down. I had chronic diarrhea, headaches, strange sensations all over my body, night sweats. All the classic signs of hiv. I stopped having sex with Jennifer for months. I kept going to my doctor and several other doctors but I would not tell them I thought it was hiv. It took me 6 months to get better and wait for all the appropriate testing windows for stds. Some std test are not accurate for 180 days. Me and Jennifer got pregnant and had a beautiful little girl. She is my world I love her so much. But 1 1/2 years later I got stupid board and hired a escort while on a business trip. It was protected oral and vaginal sex. I lost control of my body again. Chronic diarrhea, headaches, oral sores, urethral pain, leg pains and arm pains. I saw several doctors, several test, I even saw a physicist. I told my doctors and family or than Jennifer everything. They all told me i was crazy. I got tested for every test they would allow. 1 year later 1 1/2 months ago I got a blow job from a escort. I am a fucking crazy person. I promised God that was it. I got engaged to Jennifer. I started going to church. I was in a good place. Life was ok. I got over my past mistake which to over a year. I was put on antidepressants, I was on 7 different medications, and seeing 2 primary care doctors, a urologist, and a natural doctor. Through it all my fiance never had a clue and here we are again a freaking blow job from a escort. I was stressed out and told myself I was going to have her strip and tease me. She started going down on me and I didn't stop her. I hate myself so much. I am scum. I often think the world would be a better place without me. I got full panel stds 18 day post exposure from my doctor and health department clean so far. 30 day hiv negative. I want to wait another month and a half for more test. The same month as my poor daughters birthday shes turning 2.