So, i'm 15 and a guy, and at school i'm usually happy and have fun with my friends, I don't do any drugs or shit, but i just have these.. times when i do stupid shit or something, there was a time in 8th grade, i was in art and we were doing stuff with clay, and i covered a pen in clay and told the guy next to me to crush it. He did, and the pen stabbed into his hand.. i didn't feel bad about it at all, sorry J.A. if your reading this. Anyway, I've put holes into my door twice and broke it a few times, smashed my TV's power button in and whenever i get real mad i slam the gate in between my kitchen and living room and knock shit over and so forth, I never got into a real fight before, but once got punched in my face, and it broke my nose, I didn't cry or cringe or recoil from pain, I recovered and chased after the kid, someone tripped me as i started after him and it made me even more angry, I felt like i'd of killed the kid or severely injure him, and be happy I did it, with no regret, that is not normal. There was another time, I went to a ball park near where I live with a sledgehammer and smashed dugout's with it, I wasn't even mad, or feeling and emotion at all, I just did it. It was stupid as hell and i got caught, not fun. And then with my family, sometimes my older brother screams at his fucking games and i just want to punch his teeth out and make him stop, and my mom pisses me off more then anyone I know, I just want to fucking shove her through a damn door and hurt her for fucking everything, if your reading this mom, you know its fucking true, I've even been so made that I said i hated them all and wanted to die, or kill them. And now a day's i have this fucking anger building up, i can feel it, I want to fucking beat someone up for damn fun or because they piss me off, it's like i'm just gonna snap one day.. And the only reason I can keep myself sane now, is because my girlfriend, I love her so much, she's been my best-friend for years and i don't haven't even had the guts to kiss her yet, we have been dating for 3-ish years about now and i feel so distant and shy around her.. but calm and happy and it's like everything that build's up is released when i'm with her, I need her.. But one time, she was dating this guy and i found out i was scared to lose her and knew i wanted to be with her, so i asked her out as well, she dated both of us, yeah it was weird but we were young, anyway one day she decided to break up with us and i felt everything just shatter, it hurt, it made me cry and, i hurt her.. i didn't hit her, but i hurt her and i didn't feel bad at the time, but later, i realized i fucked up so much, how could i do that, I need her for god's sake, why would i fucking do such a thing, she cared about me and was the only person who i felt something towards.. I hate myself for it. I don't deserve her, its been so long ago but i still can't forgive myself, i'm lucky she didn't hate me, and understands me, if i didn't have her, i'd of killed myself by now.. or killed someone or who fucking know's. That's all i want to confess on this, please don't be a jerk to me for this, in comments of if you know me.