Well here goes I cant tell anyone in my family this and it fucken bothers me so i guess i will tell you all...lol when you read this you are going to be like damn thats nothing. So I meet this guy and compared to all the others he is great smart, nice, sweet, very intuitive and funny. Best part about him is that he is very mature so i could actually communicate with him on every level. Things were great in the begining we would talk every night and have reall in depth conversations then something got in the way like it always does...the attraction that pull you get to someone when they have most of the qualities you have been looking for. So i did it we had sex...but not relationship sex it was more like friendship sex. And to tell you the truth at first it was great, i felt nothing for him only that sexual attraction and more like a euphoria that i was finaly getting what i want out of someone of the opposite sex. But he was a tricky one really he would always hug me after the sex, and wisper things in my ear like 'baby I just want you to be happy, your satisfaction is all that matters' really my conscience knew he was lying but i just began melting with each word and gesture he made. He was like the other, we would have sex then hold eachother and talk for hours about anything...i think that is how he got me because the other he was all about the sex having it then rolling over and sleeping. This guy, we will call him Mr. Big he was gental and loving all the things i really wanted, then he would take me out to dinner and we would have dinner, or a drink and life was grand. Untill the major mistake we concieved and there was no way that baby was being born so i aborted it but it was so emotional and no one understood not even him. However seeing as how he was the only one i could lean on i became closer to him, more like attached seeing as how he is the only person i could lean on while i murdered my child. So i started getting feelings, then i really messed up cus i did the worst thing in the world i told him i was really starting to like him, his response 'no you dont' who responds like that? well now i am utterly humiliated and the worse part about it is we still speak i dont wanna let him go. Why do i do this to myself, why do i get myself into these messes now all i want is to go back to the day before i met him and just forget he ever exists! plus the only reason why i aborted the baby was because he already has children and i didnt want to be part of that whole drama. I dont get along with baby momas they arent really my thing, he has too much baggage and i wouldnt want my child part of that life style my child is going to have a real father that will be there all the time and he wouldnt have been. well what do i do now just build up that wall again.