I was irrevocably in love with him. The short time of five moths with him were unforgettable, and I was completely and unbelievably happy. Until he moved away to study in the US. We broke up, and I missed him everyday. Everyday for months. The longer time spent away from him, the more I missed his presence, yet, it was the exact opposite for him. We strayed further and further apart, emotionally, as though the physical distance was not enough. I fell in love with him everyday while he fell out of love with me. Honestly it was probably one of the most painful experience. In this time we spent apart I lost myself trying to keep him, even though we broke up. Its Christmas now and I went to another country, and while I was there he came home. I was so distraught I didn't enjoy Christmas nor my birthday which followed some days after. Yet when we spoke, every time I said I love You, he'd say it back. But, when I started opening up to him, he just pushed me away. Then I started finding out stuff. He's fucking a new girl, hooking up with another....all the bad stuff. I saw him the next month when I got back home, and he acted as though as if nothing happened. And I was stupid. I was so in love. I just wanted my baby back. My boyfriend. Seeing him I legit ran into his arms and held on so tightly I almost couldnt believe he was there in front of me. He kissed my forehead and held me even tighter. Everything I wanted was holding me. Right there in front of me. How can I ever let it go? However, He played his games well....and I ended up in the deep end. He played me silly till I hated myself. I became paranoid of other girls when I never had him. I started hating myself for not being the type of girl he preferred. I was failing in school. I stopped going to church. I stopped talking to my friends. I didn't wanna go anywere, I didnt want to see anyone. I stayed like this for six months. Only in the summer this year I started to hang out again. However I saw him again at a party with a girl. A girl who he really liked. A girl who was everything he wanted. And once again my heart broke. I didnt think there couldve been anything else to add to the pain but this was it. I'm stronger now, but I still hurt. I still feel sick. Especially when I learn new things about him. I wish I never gave myself up to him. But I forgive him, for every thing. I'm moving on. I dont want another relationship until I am completely and fully ready. I know I'll get better. And that in itself, makes me very happy.