It really is such a horrible feeling to me. I will never understand how there are people who actually crave that feeling. Because of this, I usually deal with women that I can control my feelings (sexual or otherwise) around when I am with them. I have a feeling this stems from my complete disappointment in girls growing up. Every woman I have liked, from small crushes to larger ones have never worked out well for me. I don't mean theI relationships didn't work, I mean I never even got to a relationship with any of them. I use women primarily as sexual objects or, if feelings do arise, I will only take them serious if there is not a sexual connection there. If both of things were embodied in one person I immediately run for the hills. Well until recently. Not too long ago I got with a woman that I actually like. Like forreal. This is rare because I only allow myself but to get but so close to people. I'm honestly not sure how it happened but it did and here I am. I'm scared to death and it makes no sense. I'm waiting for her to do something to me that brings me back to reality. I believe that any little thing will make me look at her in a different light only because I don't want to be hurt. I have explained (some) of this to her and initially she seemed ok. Now I can slowly feel her pulling away. We used to talk everyday and blow off everyone to see each other. Now she may call 2 or 3 times a week. I am sad about the situation but at the same time I am telling myself "i told you so! why would you go and give yourself to someone?" I have too much pride to go and pour my heart to her. We've known each other for a month. I shouldn't care this much but this truly has not happened to me in over 5 years. But, all in all, I know it is my fault. If I had not began to become scared she might not have been turned off. Who knows. I feel like I'm in fucking high school again. I guess some things never change.