ok - I travel a bit and usually fly about 6 times a week, 150000 miles a year. I have to say that comparing the airports in britain with any other country, we have by far the worst service - even Paris CDG rates higher than the best UK airport imo and that is facking France!! 1.Queueing You queue for everything, check in, security, to board the plane, to get a seat, to get off the plane, passport control, for your baggage etc. Why is it that british airport queues are 20 times (no exageration) longer, take anywhere up to 4 hours (security at Gatwick for example) and are ill managed, ill informed and usually just due to the incompetency of the airport management. 2.Passport Control I fly from Newcastle to Gatwick - wtf do I need to show my passport for. This lunacy adds anywhere up to an hour on an already stupidly long journey (see queueing). 3.Security OMFG you bunch of w4nkers. If I was a suicide bomber why would I waste my time trying to kill a couple hundred (maximum) people on a plane that its almost impossible to smuggle a bomb onboard, when I could simply detonate it in the middle of the 1000 people queueing to get through the facking security gate, neatly compressed into snaking lines to ensure any detonation to be effective. Also, every airport seems to think employing only half their scanning machines at peak times is a good idea, meaning queueing is maximised in length and annoyance. Why do you want me to take my shoes off now - mr shoe bomber failed 6 years ago and NOW you want me to take my shoes off! Why employ 1960's technology with 1920's methods for the 21st century - technology you tw4ts - USE IT. 4.Ground Staff Generally you pay more for the airport charges and tax than the flight, implying you will get better service on the ground than in the air - WRONG. With the same easy ineptitude the british deal with security the ground staff out do them with incompetence of a level incalculable to normal men. An example from last week, I fly from Belfast to Newcastle, flight time a whopping 34 minutes and the flight arrives 5 minutes early on stand (plane speak for its parked). We then wait 50 facking minutes on the plane for a BUS to take us from the plane 500m to the terminal. The reason - another plane had landed just before us. OMFG you cnuts, its a scheduled flight so was the surprise due to it being on facking time! I flew back from Germany on Sunday night and spent 45 minutes waiting for a bus also - this happens too many times to be classed unusual, more it seems the norm 5.Information I get lost in Heathrow, Gatwick, Stansted, Luton... I only ever get lost in British airports - even though I speak english it seems none of the facking BAA staff do (when you can find the lazy bastids). The signs are none-standard, confusing and at best just wrong. You get an arrow for Departures at a 60 degree angle pointing somewhere near maybe where you want to go. I think a South American man straight off the plane did Heathrows signs. 6.Tourists Ban them to 'special' airports, they appear to pack what little brains they have in their facking suitcases. I don't like people at the best of times but stupid people in stupid clothes saying and doing stupid things get on my t1ts. Especially cnuts from Birmingham who call their kids Bradley and think its funny when said six year old swears in Spanish (facking hilarious - not). 7.Instructions Fasten your seatbelts, switch off your mobiles, etc. Simple instructions so why do some people think they do not apply to them. I dont care how stupid the request, when your on a plane and some bird in a bright orange uniform asks you not to switch your phone on until your inside the terminal building, this obviously only applies to people with non-Nokia phones. All I hear around me is that facking stupid Nokia start up jingle - you cnut, you have been on a plane for 35 minutes and you are not important - no one has phoned you at 5.30 in the facking morning so why o why switch it on - FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS YOU CNUTS. 8.People Running Why - you like running from one queue to the next. People running in airports look stupid - if your late your late - but do not run and make yourself late and a tw4t. 9.Children Leave them at home. You might like yours but nobody else does - especially facking Bradley 10.Snobs Your on Easyjet/Ryanair/insert cheap airline - you paid next to nothing for your ticket, do not try and act like your in the BA executive club because you look stupid. Its a particularly British trait that I have noticed that they do not like looking the same as everyone else, they would brag they paid MORE for their ticket given the opportunity. Airports in order of sh1ttiness 1.Heathrow 2.Gatwick 3.Stansted 4.London City 5.Luton 6.Any airport in the UK south of East midlands airport (including EMA) 7.Any airport in the UK north of East midlands airport