oh this is going to be a long one... let's say im young okay? because i am. and probably much younger than you're thinking. anyways, i am in love. and no, it isnt fanstastic, and romantic, and it is not, i repeat not, a 'you're just young-and-i t-doesnt matter." relationship. i would love if it was actually, if i could just say 'i love you' get bored (like most younger people do my age) and then break up and move on. truthfully he was the first guy to ever reject me, and i suppose that is where it started. although after i had asked him out, he completely ignored me. in the meantime, i was nursing my broken heart with a 3month relationship with a loser... after that relationship ended, (lets call my love 'g') g convientely showed up in my life for one day. smiling a charming smile and seducing me into my most recent sexual experience( a blowjobj). i wont cry or scream that he tricked me into it, because i know that i wanted it to. a experience with him that no one else had(not that he was a virgin) and anyways, afterwards he ignored me till school ended which was... about 4-3 months away. i worried about it everyday i had of school, i looked around the room just to see if i could spot him. i was foolishly still pining for him. later in the summer, i met him again.. daily actually. but i hated him at this point and was bitter. i had liked him, confessed, and felt used when he hadnt felt the same. so i decided, and this is a very stupid decision, that i would make him fall in love with me. i was aloof at first, acknowleging his advances but never giving into them again. i had even found someone who i had a crush on. but g would not have that, he knew my preferences now, nothing sexually just a lot of making out,. and he advanced, and i accepted. ruining my chances with my crush but finally advancing in my plan for 'revenge'. it went on for a few weeks of summer, casual kisses that should have meant a steady loving relationship, but instead exposed a secrective promise to fool around. at first, i could have sworn he was gentle towards me, tentative and loving. almost as if i meant something to him. and thus, my affection for him grew. i fell again, with g. but as my feelings grew, the time we had together was decreasing, school was starting again, and he had football everyday. and i, i had made the decision to go to a school far away, so that my reputation would not follow me. i had known that we should have stopped, my feelings nipped in the bud, but he insisted that we could continue. that i was his #1 girl and that i wouldnt able to find someone as attractive as he was in my new school(which was very true) but as i had predicted, he was after many girls when school started, even confessed to one. i was hurt, but also realized i had never openly confessed that i was in love with him. i started cutting myself ( not deeply or very long, just niking my wrist enough that i had small stratches.) and hated myself for it. he had scars too, for some girl he wouldnt talk to me about in detail. i was, and still am very depressed. he became friends with my bestfriend, k, who means the world to me, and through her i had learned that he had said something unfathomable to me, "i wish [she] would just get over me." never had i advanced on him, he had always wanted me, whispering suggestions and his deepest lusts for me. although i had said a few things to indecate his importance to me, i had never acted needy or clingy. i waited paitently for the time we had alone and accepted and doted on his kisses and returned with a few of my own. i was infuriated, and stilll am, i was convinced that the next time i saw him, i would act out and end the whole thing, never again to be involved with him. but i love him more than i have loved anyone. i cut myself because of him, because he doesnt love me. fretted over him finding someone else. i had turned myself into an object to simply be used my him. As for the Title "Two Sex Add." I choose it because we both took the SAST, a sex addiction test. I had scored 12, he a 10, and most addicts score over a 6.