My therapist finally figured out why I'm attracted to what she calls demeaning sexual gratification. She says it all has to do with sexual abuse from my father. Kind of weird that his demeaning me makes me want to be demeaned. Normally I'm normal, but when I get aroused then the cloud comes over me. My two friends make all the difference because they know about - my change-. They're not very good friends but I keep them because they're good at finding my -meanies-. Meanies are like me only different. They get the change too but for them it's not about getting demeaned but it's all about demeaning someone else, which would be me. Meanies like to tie me up because that gives them full control. they're nice at first, but when their cloud comes on then they want to make me cry. My therapist is so worried but I told her that I always go with a chaperone, which is one or both of my friends. My therapist says that my friends are really meanies too for wanting to watch, but that's the only safety I have. Meanies like to show you whose boss. They spank you till you cry. They forcefully fuck you till you cry. If I'm not being good then some of them will pinch my clitoris or my nipples till I cry. One man attached a very strong clothes pin to my clitoris and left it on till I cried. My friends usually just sit in a chair and watch, but sometime they volunteer suggestions, which they know are the things that I hate the most. I don't like when a meanie goes from anal to oral. I gag when a smelly penis goes from my anus to my mouth. I don't like getting vegetabled. If I'm not very, very nice to my friends (like buying them things) then they deliberately bring vegetables like cucumbers, zucchini or ears of corn and tell the meanie about how I hate them. They are too big, especially if they get pushed into my anus and they know it, and they know that I will buy them stuff so that they won't bring them the next time. I admit that this confession is kind of disturbing, but I guess this is the site for stuff like this. Anyway, I this is me so thanks dad. I'm twice hurt by you.