've never really been a fan of the Valentine's day, but after the following events, I will always see it as the worst day of the year. I named this article Stupid Cupid because it started on Valentine's day 2012. I used to play an online empire-building game. And one day a player sent me a PM which said something like: 'Hi, I like your nickname. Wanna talk?' and I thought why not. He was a funny, sweet guy so we chatted for a couple hours. We continued talking through the game PM for about a week and then he asked if I had a Skype account. I didn't but I created it because of him. We became good friends very quickly. The first thing I would do when I came home was grab my laptop and log into Skype checking if he was online. We spent hours talking every single day. This went on for about a month. One night, chatting as usual, we both realised how close we had become and how many personal secrets we knew about each other. And then he said: 'I wonder what you look like, I'd like to see you. Do you have a webcam?' I was shocked at first but then I said I had and that I'd like to see him too. Afterall, I thought. he was just a guy from the web, living really far from me. I came home quite early from school the next day, redid my make-up, hair and dressed in my favourite shirt with the intention of seeing him that evening. Everything went as I had planned and When he came home from work, we decided to turn the cameras on. When I first saw him, my heart almost jumped out of my chest. He was a lot older than me, but I've always liked mature guys. I was suddenly completely speechless and so was he. We spent 5 minutes just looking at each other and smiling. I was sinking it his sky-blue eyes, unable to type anything, even unable to move. I'd liked him all along but that moment...I just fell for him. And then he did something that completely sealed my fate, he typed: 'You're beautiful.' I blushed. Nobody had ever told me that before....well except my BFF but I can' take her seriously, can I? So I typed 'I like you too :)' And then I had to go. I couldn't fall asleep because of all the excitement that night and pretty much every night I saw him. It was...like in a romantic movie, really. I was truly happy for the first time in my life. My parents were all like: 'What the hell has gotten into you?' Just for the record, I told them I had a friend over the internet, but I have several friends from all over the world so it was nothing new. I've never found the courage to tell them the whole story because they constantly warn me about talking to strangers on the web and getting too personal. And I just don't think they'd understand how I fell in love with a guy a year older than them. I thought about him all the time and I talked about the whole thing with my BFF. She warned me I would only hurt myself because the age difference is simply too big and he lives too far to ever even meet me. Now I know she was right but then...I simply didn't want to hear that and I was angry with her because I wanted her to be happy for me because I was in love and happy, not to tell me off. Then a family crisis came and it played havoc with my nerves. My parents couldn't stand each other and my dad moved away for about 4 months, coming home just for the weekends to see me and my two brothers. I was shocked and didn't realise what was actually happening for several days. Then I broke down. I spent nights crying and I was nervous all day and every day. Even my teachers started to sense something was wrong, my grades went from A's to C's and I just couldn't concentrate. My life suddenly wasn't making sense. My BFF was grounded and couldn't call me, text or send any other type of message and the only person I had left to talk to was him. He was kind and caring and understanding and I loved him even more for it. And then, out of nowhere, he started writing to me once or twice a week instead of every day and he was suddenly getting cold and impersonal. I didn't understand why and I asked him. He said he just had no time. I was...I don't know...shocked, I felt like a kicked dog. He wrote less and less often and I was going crazy. I waited every day until late at night for him to show up but he never did. After about two months, he wrote again every day for a week and just when I started thinking it would stay that way, he stopped. I felt like I was losing him, so I left him a message confessing what I feel for him, he just never answered. I broke down both mentally and physically. I had a horrible case of flu with hallucinations and fevers, it lasted for 3 weeks. I cried myself to sleep every night. I even tried to commit suicide, but the amount of pills I took was too small and it only made me sick for a couple days. After some time, my dad moved back home and my family got back together. My parents suddenly started noticing I wasn't allright but they just thought it was because of the family crisis. And here I am, a couple months later, still crying over the whole thing. My heart is broken and I doubt it will ever heal. I know I caused the whole thing myself and it's only my fault. I feel stupid, I hate myself for it and I can't forgive myself. I've repeatedly asked my parents to take me to a psychologist but they always laugh at me saying I shouldn't take every little thing so seriously. I simply don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to feel. My life doesn't make sense anymore.