Tears
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 73 views | 0 comments
I have not 'cried' in ten years or more - My wife (married 5 years) has not seen me cry. I get a little misty-eyed and feel like I must look like I'm bawling, but when I look in a mirror, I'm surprised to discover that it's hard to tell there are any tears. I'm afraid of anger because of what anger was like in my family of origin. Anger hurt people. Combine this with not crying and I'm not displaying the emotions which I really do feel. My wife has also said she has rarely seen me lose my temper - it does happen and I'm not very demonstrative. I know I feel both anger and sadness - but how would anybody know just to look at me. I talked with a friend who thought it was significant that my father reports seeing his father cry only twice, and that I have only seen my father cry twice, and that my kids have so far seen me cry not at all. In a sense, I have changed the context dramatically around my emotional life as compared with the two men before me [they were uneducated farmers, I'm in a master's level professional training program] but I'm, aparently, still the same around crying. The three definite areas I do feel moved toward tears (though tears don't actually come forth more than wet eyes) are when I hear about the love of a parent for a child, when I consider the abuse of a child (partiularly from a parent), or when I contemplate the power of the testimony of Jesus Christ working in the lives of people and the work of God rolling forward in the Earth [which is, again, a Parent-Child(ren) dynamic].
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