I'm really messed up right now. I have a older sister that for years always displayed some sort of jealousy, anger and resentment towards me, but because of the depth of love I have for her I always kept coming back. I would watch how she verbally abuses her mate of twenty-two years(the father of her three young adult children. About six months ago, in a rage she accused us of sleeping together behind her back. I was so hurt I cried buckets that she would even think that I would hurt her like that, hurt her period. Well I went over to visit her last night, and she wasn't home so I sat to wait for her. I'm very close to my brother-in-law. For as long as I can remember we two always were like-minded, it was surreal how much. He's known me since I was nine years old. We sat, talked as usual,started sipping on some cocoanut rum, and then he said he had something to tell me that he just couldn't hold in any longer. My bother-in law told me that he loves me in which I said hey I loved him too. He said no he REALLY LOVES ME, and that all this time he knew he had the wrong sister. He said he'd felt this way for years.I realized when he started to cry that he wasn't kidding. I started to cry, he held me, we started kissing, It felt tender, real, so right but so very wrong.I tried to stop him, stop myself, we made passionate love together. It blew us both away. I had to stop. I told him that we could never be. He said he will wait for me. I had to say that no one must know what happened between us, and i'll never be intimate with him ever again. Now I feel like shit, I've been praying all day for God to forgive me for my sin, and at the same time I keep flashing back on last nights event, with butterflies in my stomach, longing because I know I'm in love with a man who could never ever be mine. I'm so confused :- ( and very ashamed.