Let's just say I've been following this band for quite some time now (around 6 years), since I was 14, and I never remotely expected to hang around them and become friends. For whatever odds, this ended up happening. My favorite musician came up to me personally after a show, and asked if I wanted to have a drink, of course I accepted. (I had barely turned 19 at the time, btw). So we drank, talked, made out, and everything was going well. At the end of the night I told him I wouldn't have sex with him because I was a virgin. And he was ok with it. By the end of the night my best friend at the time, ended up making the biggest scene - calling me horrible things for accepting to go to the after party of the band (which they invited him to as well). Former best friend ended up trying to swing at my favorite musician, claiming he'd only take advantage of me and it turned into a mess, so I had to say goodbye to the band thus the conditions between my friend and I were hectic enough. Last I heard of him was that we'd meet again someday. That day came by. His band was playing around my area for about a week, and I was incredibly nervous - not knowing what to expect. He made motions from stage making me aware that he remembered me, and after the show asked me to meet. This time I had 5 friends with me, we all went backstage. Musician and I caught up, and he said that he was mortified about how things went after they left, and that he meant to get my contact info, so we exchanged numbers. We talked over some cigarettes, and then he asked me if "i'd like to go somewhere else" - as I didn't know what it meant... I asked "like where?" and he told me he was staying close to the venue, so I offered him to walk him there. Once at the place, he obviously asked me to come in, and since the place was beautiful and I was curious, I accepted. Once inside we relaxed and made out for a while, things were starting to get intense. At some point he was naked and I was fully dress, so I told him I should get going. I saw him again the couple days later, and told him I couldn't stay because of school, which was true... Also I didn't wanna fall into the groupie category. On his last day in town, we hung out backstage with all the band, then split to the tour bus, where he went down on me and asked me to come with him to his next destination. I told him I couldn't because I worked the next day. We said goodbye in a really sweet note, anticipating already the time we'd meet again. I know his intentions are sexually charged, but after that day I thought the preconceptions I have of virginity are absurd. I'm really attracted to this person, I do wanna bang him with the passion of a mad bohemian. I desire him but I can't help to somehow link it emotionally since I really look up to him. I met with him in another country about a month ago, and we spent a couple days together. Almost did it, but his junk ended up being too big for the tightness of my unexperienced privates. I felt really comfortable around him. I mean - he's been all over the world and is twice my age, it'd be a crime for him not to be smooth. He was sweet, complementary, sexy, and overall had a great chemistry, plus verbal and physical communication. We had talks in bed about existentialism, films, metaphysics, and foreign music. Every now and then I get a text from him telling me he's really eager to meet again. It's weird. I don't wanna get worked up on one-sided emotions, but then again nobody else interests me enough to engage sexually. This is were help comes in... Should I blow him off, compartmentalize, just dive in, ???