i can relate to almost everything ,i became sexually active at a young age 12 yrs old to be exact and it's not like i really wanted to do it i just didn't say no the boy was older than me of course i was a promiscuous teenager and i always have infact been turned on by "weird things"(you all can fill in that blank) i suffered thru severe depression all throughout middle school and high school and even today even though i have my life pretty much put together i will just become depressed for no reason and start to cry i have always struggled with my self image and i have always feared confrontations and authoritative figures.from what i had read i have all the signs .thank you all for your positive helpful comments.

I see why you are suspicious. Though no gauranty, it is quite likely that you were abused by both your grandfather and your father as incest practices are often "handed down" from one generation to the next. A young child learns that it is "okay" to have various forms of sex with an adult, the child grows up. and continues the cycle as if it were "normal". (Though this is not always the case as many survivors have no desire to have sex with children.)

If you do end up recalling memories, do not be surprised if they are not what you expect. You may find that you have an intense sense of bonding with your abuser (or maybe not, depends). You may have been tricked into showing "love" at a young age. I recalled a couple of incidences involving my father and was intensely aroused at the memories, much to my surprise, as some of the details were highly disturbing to a young child and to my adult mind. It's taken me a long time to piece together what I can. Strangely enough, I do not resent my father though I know what he did was wrong. Sometimes I wish I could just remember everything and get on with it.

From experience as a young boy, I can remember numerous blank spots involving my father. I'd wake up with him in my bed and could never remember him entering it. I don't even remember dreaming or anything else on those nights, just these big black holes in my memory. I frequently woke up with dried semen on me either with my father in my bed or alone, yet I would have no memory of having masturbated. I was sexually precocious as a young boy and just "knew" how to do things, yet I have no memory of how I learned. I've had a small number of vivid recollections involving oral intercourse, so just for the hell of it I bought a sex toy and discovered that sure enough, I knew what to do with it. I highly recommend The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse (Staci Haines).

thank you so much.

I will try to help you based on experience. Do you like who you are? Do you feel depressed sometimes? Do you feel uneasy when man are around? Do you have weird fantansies? Do you feel guily after you masturbate? You can't change the pass but you can control your future.Think about what you want in life and work towards it . Wish you good luck

thank you i understand what you are saying to me i just think that if i can put this missing piece to the puzzle together it will explain so many other things in my life ,kind of like an eye opener like say Oh know i know why i am such and and such way things like if my suspicions turned out to be true there is no way i could do anything about it ,both my father and grandfather have passed on and i have no communication with my fathers side of the family and i haven't for years. i just want to know the truth because that way i can accept it and forgive myself for many things i did in my past and move on

what is your end goal.. you may not anything except pain if its true.. nit wort it.. just move on with life.. you sound like a good girl.. you really dont need this..

because i just need to know.My mother just confessed to me that she found out that my grandfather (my fathers father) sexually abused \molested his daughters (my aunts) when they were growing up and when i was a small child we lived with them for a while my mother claims she didn't know this at the time and feels terrible for putting me in harms way i just need to know someone anyone who can help me.

why do you want to do this..