I find myself wanting to get online and just spill everything to a stranger. I want to get on, tell them what bad things I did that day and what good things. I want to tell them what I ate that day, what giggles I had that day, what dark thoughts keep coming up for some reason, or when i'm horny I want to show them myself. I want to basically just deposit things to this person like a live secret journal. I don't really care if they don't say much or I don't know much about them. I guess I just want to talk to a live person and not be judged at all but i'll know they at least heard me. I don't really know why though. I mean it's not like they'd be gaining anything from this so I don't see why someone would bother unless they just got some weird kick out of sitting there just listening to someone ramble about random things that they may not even understand. I want to ask this person about my beliefs and how they sound. Maybe some conformation on certain issues. And maybe just a 'regular person' opinion on some bigger pictures I often wonder about. I feel like i'm so far out there thought pattern wise compared to your everyday person on the street, it's hard to relate to anyone anymore. I've been closely isolated nearly my entire life. It's almost as if, i'm watching my whole life from behind my eyes and I'm almost nervous to reach down to another person here and try to find common grounds with them because I feel like I know we won't find common ground and it's sad. I just do odd things, say odd things, I AM ODD. And not many people are too open to that. If I asked you, 'Hey, would you like to go frog catching with me?' (Which is something I'd find a lot of fun in!) Majority of the people would turn that offer down right away and consider it something gross, pointless, and childish. Well I like to have fun, get dirty, explore, and inspect. Frogs are beautiful creatures up close. I could stare and compare frogs skins for hours! Besides the point though. Point is, I feel like I can't honestly have fun with people or talk about anything. No, I don't watch tv or know about what actor you are talking about. No, I don't want to go with you to the club or party, it's just too loud for my ears and there is so much negative energy. No, I don't know what song you are all chanting at the football game, heck I don't even know what the football players are doing. Drinking, for fun? Oh no thanks, i'll be studying different tribes for fun tonight. *sigh* I'm just tired I suppose. Tired of trying to be happy with what others do. Tired of people not understanding the bigger picture or what I try to tell them. Tired of trying to be friendly with people who I can't stand. And frankly, that's everyone I encounter. It's not like i'm mean straight off the bat or much at all. It's just so frustrating that they won't open their eyes, it's like they all have this mental block that they're all unaware of and no matter how hard I try, we'll always understand each other the same way, the wrong way. I'm just tired of everyone being this way. It's as if they all just don't.. don't work right. I don't know the words. They're just on a different frequency and it's not good for me and i'm not good for them yet. It's like they're all missing some information i'm sending them. I need someone on my frequency to come along soon to show me what i'm doing wrong and how to help them.