I'm trying to understand myself and I can't. Yesterday I let a goat mate me. I don't understand why I would do that or why I would even want that. It just turned out bad in every way. I made it so I couldn't get away, Why? I made it so I could let him into the stall with a rope I had to pull the gate open. I had a little screwdriver by may hand so I so could get the knots loose and get away if I needed to, but for some reason I tossed it out of reach at the last second. People from this sight warned me not to do it, but I decided to do it anyway. I pulled the rope so Mr. Gruff our goat could come in. Just to make sure it happened I had rubbed nanny scent from a nanny in estrus onto my behind. I even decided to bleat like a nanny a few times. That was what finally did it. That is what got Mr. Gruff onto my behind. Mr. Gruff was not a gentile goat with me. I watched him mate nannies lots of times and I never thought that he was overly forceful with them so I couldn't understand why he was so forceful with me. When he was finally done and got off me I started trying to get loose. Then he tried to get on me again and I didn't want that so I twisted myself some and he butted me with his horns right in my bum. I twisted again the other way and I got butted really hard, so I had to let him have his way for round 2 which was even worse than the first time. When he finally got down I tried to get myself closer to where the screwdriver was. I didn't get very far when Mr. Gruff started to get on me again. I twisted myself as best I could and he butted me really hard and I got round 3. I thought about those big balls that goats have and that was what kept him going. I started to hate myself for doing it. I was hating that I had tied my legs apart so I couldn't get up or turned to the side enough to keep him out and I never expected to get butted or for him to be so forceful. Then it got even worse for me. I heard a car coming down our road and stop in front of our house and a car door slam. I got as still as I could. It wasn't my families van. I didn't know who it was. I needed help but I didn't dare get found like that. It was perfect silence for I don't know long and then I heard my Uncle's voice saying "What the hell are you doing.?" I didn't know what to say. I was overwhelmed with shame. My Uncle should have got Mr. Gruff out and untied me but he kept saying, "What are you doing in there' over and over. And then Mr.Gruff jumped up on me and I twisted and he butted me and I twisted again. I couldn't let it happen, not with my Uncle there. but it hurt getting butted again and again and I had to give in.My Uncle saw Mr. Gruff mating me and I couldn't get my words out right until he was done. Finally my Uncle got Mr.Gruff out and untied my feet and my hands and lectured me about unnatural sex and saying it could warp me for good. The only good thing is that he said that if I promised to never do it again that it would stay our secret and I will never do it again. I know that for sure.