One year later and my god how things have changed. The thing that gets me most is how you'll never really know how I feel. Last year was a ridiculous one night thing, and in a way I know it shouldn't have happened. It wasn't right, and more that anything I think I just needed someone, anyone, to get me out of the mess of a relationship I was already in. You were just convenient. It really did mess with my head. I broke up with my ex after that night. I convinced myself that if I could cheat, I obviously wasn't meant to be with him. If it hadn't been for that night I might have stayed with him. And it would have been a nightmare. After that night my whole life changed. Once i broke up with him I started living life. I did everything I felt I had been missing out on. I felt so free at last. And then I met the person who I believe is the one. I love him so much. I finally see a future, I want it all with him. If it wasn't for you and that stupid night I never would have found my soulmate. Also, I have to say two things contributed to that night. One, I was incredibly drunk - I wasn't thinking straight, it could have been anyone. Two - you had retired. I didn't think there was any chance of me seeing you again. Had I known that 10 months later you would rejoin as a locum I probably would have kept my distance. As soon as I heard you were coming back I was so worried about how awkward it was going to be that I started job hunting. And I found a better job. I start in a months time. It's a promotion. I had been stuck in such a rut at my current job, I think I needed a push to get out. So I'm thankful for last year. As ridiculous as it was, it shaped my life for the better. I wish I could talk to you to clear the air. I don't want to leave in a month without having said goodbye. I was messed up for a while. You probably thought I wanted more, but I didnt. I need you to know that I know it was 'wrong' for so many reasons, a drunken mistake, but at the same time, it changed everything for me. I have a feeling that I'll probably never have the guts to even say goodbye before I leave, it's been almost 2 months with you back now and we've barely said more than a work related sentence to each other, but I hope I can. If not... I don't know. It's amazing how one incident can have such an effect on so many things... Thankyou.