NORMAL OR ABNORMAL? YOU DECIDE
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 121 views | 0 comments
Well, I'm sitting here, thinking, and realizing that I never stood a chance in hell of being normal. I think of the way I grew up, and that that, coupled with the fact that I am sure now that I have serious mental issues, I was doomed from the beginning. I want to know how this is fair, and I want to know how anyone with half a brain can expect a person who gets depressed as easily as I do, to ever want to see a life like this come to it's own natural conclusion. I would never take my own life. But I look forward to nothing and I am damn sure I am going to be a miserable woman for the rest of my time. I can't say life has been bad. But deep down, when I am sad, I am too sad for my own good. It hurts so bad. And I am so tired of faking it for my children, and for my family and people that I see every day. I have to fake it for my children, and I hope they don't know. I love them to pieces, but I hate when they do see me cry and I can't tell them why. I am tired of smiling when I really want to go home, get in my bed, and cry. I am tired of looking back at what I've done and seeing nothing good. I don't know what i want or what can ever make me better. It would take a damn miracle and I haven't had many of those. I never wanted anything extreme, just a normal life. I am realizing though, that having a normal life is impossible when you yourself are abnormal.
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