THOUSAND CHEERS FOR THIS OUT SPOKEN CANADIAN. WE NEED MORE LIKE HIM. > > > > > >I Am Canadian The New Rant > > > >My name is Norm, and I am Canadian > > > >I am a minority in Oakville, Toronto, and every casino in this > >country. > > > >I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS > >PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's. > > > >I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario. > > > >I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a > >seat > >belt. > > > >All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes. > > > >I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. > >These same people cannot name this country's new territory. > > > >Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have > >a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase > >a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee. > > > >Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec > >still provides my nation's prime ministers. > > > >95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish. > > > >I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm > >sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for > >that matter. > > > >I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair. > >I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair. > > > >Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather > >gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't > >register it. > > > >My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then > >vacation there three times a year. > > > >I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the > >rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or > >recognize the English language. > > > >I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who > >makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but > >paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below > >on an oil rig is fair. > > > >I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes > >(The Voice of Firepainting in Ottawa) > >by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even > >though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it. > > > >When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of > >what I actually make, I say 'Oh well, at least we have better health > >care than the Americans.' > > > >I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry > >because I control the rain. > > > >My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I > >don't know either of them. > > > >Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest > >Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination > >for fleeing terrorists. > > > >I am not an angry white male. > >I am an angry taxpayer who is fucking broke. > > > >My name is Norm, and I am Canadian