myself
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 105 views | 0 comments
I lead a virtual life. I have no true friends, just acquaintances and clients who think the world of me, but don't know me in any deeper more meaningful way. I hate myself thanks to the bombardment of unrealistic prefab beauty ideals. Can't turn on the TV, open a magazine or even surf the web without seeing the 'American Beauty Ideal'. So I turn off the TV and self medicate myself into a false sense of contentment. Can't afford the implants. Don't have a barbie doll body. Don't even really want to look like the fake looking women with no respect or independent thought for themselves - just continually fulfilling this sick falsified ideal of female beauty in order to feel secure and get the peer support and admiration they crave so much. I want to be spiritual and happy and love myself but my insecurities get in the way. Top it off my boyfriend thinks I'm perfect and I don't want to hurt him with my innermost thoughts of self-loathing. I feel sad and pathetic. I'm such a fucking loser. Sometimes I want to die.
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