Hello! First off, this isn't a suicide note..... sorry to my haters. This is just me putting down how I used, that's USED, to plan my own demise. Hopefully by just seeing it up here it'll help me move along. Okay... I live in a small city. It's like any other, no different to the big cities scattered around. I live in a rough area which is full of druggies and wasters. We have regular stabbings and muggings too. Just painting a picture ok? Anyway, at the bottom of my street is a small wood. The wood sits atop a valley which has a river running through it. Walk with me. I've described the woods in a previous post but I'll take your hand and we'll look around us. We'll pass old thatched cottages, a 400yr old church and an old hospital for disturbed people which has now been converted in to a pub/hotel. All very nice. There's money here. Old money. A few miles up this road Mr Royce of the Rolls Royce fame was schooled and raised. But I have never wanted to be rich so I barely give this place a second glance as I stroll through. All the time we're walking downhill towards where the valley bottoms out and the river carves it's way through the land. A point ahead is a sluice gate. This helps in controlling the floods as and when they come. But you can hear it from quite a distance. A constant throbbing roar as thousands of gallons of water pass, creating a little man made waterfall. This is where I would stop and think of ending it all. I 'll leave you here as I walk to the waters edge, ok? I've always felt like ending ones life is a lonely task. Readers of 'Catcher in the Rye' will understand what I mean. I don't want you to see me in my final death throws. Anyway, I have with me a rucksac full of rocks which I place on my back and tighten the straps around my waist. I climb slowly over a small steel barrier and turn to face the water. It's at its fastest here, pounding against the bank it causes a foam to form atop the water. I take one last glance towards the sky in a vain attempt to see if there is a reason to this life and hoping for an answer from the heavens above. But the sky is silent. I step off into nothing. I fall face first and hit the water hard. The weight I'm carrying quickly turns me so I'm now sinking backwards. I see the fading sky above, distorted in the flow and ebb of the water and I realise that the sky has never been so blue. It's then that I awake and start to panic and regret fills my every fibre but it's too late! I can't hold my breath any longer and I have to breath in but only cold, filthy stenking fluid fills my lungs! Vessels burst in my eyes and the pain in my chest is akin to having every rib pulled from me. I feel so stupid now but at the same time I feel an acceptence to my fate. I take one last lungful of water and the world fades to darkness. I feel at peace now.