I lost a child to cancer seven years ago. Recently my spouse's adult died by suicide after a long, long history of mental illness and substance abuse. My spouse had not talked to this child in over 10 years due to the severe nature of the child's illness and said child's refusal of any and all help made available. Now my spouse is bogged down in terrible grief and self recrimination. My spouse is not anything like the person I knew. My confessions are this: Even being a bereaved parent myself for a long time now, I have no idea how to support my spouse. I find being with my spouse exhausting right now. I get snapped at a lot, pushed away at times. I try to remain calm and concerned, but my head is reeling over how fast our lives have changed. Today my spouse didn't want me to try to cuddle with them on the couch. I miss the intimacy and pleasure in our marriage. My spouse no longer wants to make love to me. I am fearful that the healthy marriage we have had is not going to come back. I am lonely. My spouse isn't who they used to be. It makes me sad. Mutual interests, humor, plans, physical touch all have fallen to the side now. I am confused. The adult child who committed suicide came up in conversation maybe three times a year for the past 12 years we have been together. Suddenly this adult child is front and center, 100% of the time, all the time. When I see a picture of the adult child who committed suicide, I feel furious inside for what this child has done to my spouse by taking this course of action. I know logically this individual was ill and bound to hurt someone, either self inflicted harm or harm to other people. But seeing my spouse, whom I have adored, hurt this much makes me hate that child. I don't feel bereaved. I feel livid. And lastly? I feel like a selfish jerk for having these feelings. I am so afraid I will lose my marriage.