ONLY TWICE???? DO IT MORE!! It is GOOD for you!!

I NEED to confess in order to get this off my chest...I have become a really awful person. I used to be happy and nice, friendly and easy-going, until I found out that my boss was thwarting my efforts at moving up the corporate ladder at work. then I left my job to go do more training, thinking that with more experience, I would get a better position at work. Well, that didn't hapen and my life took on a downward spiral since then. Yes, I did get into the one-year higher experience training program, but in 2 months of starting I becamse seriously ill and was hospitalized and could not work anymore. Then they put me out of the program because I was too il. then when I returned to my home town I could not get the job I wanted because they said I needed tocomplete my trainings. So I settled for lower, yet demanding jobs just to keep up my bills and buy medication. And one after the other I was laid off from these jobs because my performance was not up to par. I became bitter and angry inside asking why is this happening to me when all the while I am just trying to do what is right and live life to the fullest. I turned to every networking colleague I knew, begging them to ask their boss to consider me for a job. Many did not answer me. Many answered but in an angered voice as if I were the neighborhood pest bothering them over and over. Many lied and kept giving me the run-around. And with this anger and frustration, I began doing all wrong. Pickpocketing things when I go inside of stores. Telling lies a LOT. Getting angry and screaming and shouting as if a demon were in me. Today I almost got caught stealing a shirt in a store. I had no need to steal it, but in lashing out my anger at all those who have never cared to help me, I just wanted to take things to feel like I can 'win' at least one game in this thing called life. I do not have a caring mom with whom I can speak to about things, nor a father, no sister nor brither, no best friend no nothing. I just feel hatred for myself, this world and everything in it. However, I need to stop stealing before I am captured in a photo in one of these stores and then I am publicly shamed for this act I am carrying out. Because through all of this, I profess to be a bible-believing chrstian who prays a lot and live a life of Christ. But only I know the vil that I do!