I was raised by my single mom and we finally moved into a nice house in a decent neighborhood when I was in 2nd grade. It was a struggle for her and I spent much time in after school day care and a variety of babysitters in the summer months. She worked a lot of hours and did as much overtime as she could. By the time I was in 4th grade we had become very close with our next door neighbor Alex.. Alex was an older man and when school let out that spring offered to watch me during the day, since he was retired and a widower. She trusted him and offered to pay him but he refused to except anything for doing it. I was to young to know and my mother trusted him believing he was a retired doctor. He was always nice to me so I was happy with him watching me instead of being shuffled around to babysitters and day care. I don't know how it began but within the first few weeks I was often naked in front of him. Somehow he was able to manipulate me into changing clothes or bathing while he was present. I don't remember being embarrassed about it and that first summer he never once touched me and always was extrememly good to me. When I went back to school he continued watching me after school until my mom got home and several times a week would insist I bath or somehow be undressed in front of him. He was sort of like a grandad to me I quess and I never suspected otherwise. Some days He was at my house but other days we went next door to his. He didn't do it often at first but began exposing himself to me. It seemed to be accidental at first but became more open as time went on. My house only had a tub with a shower curtain but his house had a glass shower enclosure. He had a knack for being able to get me into long conversations with him and many times helped me with homework. He led me around like a puppy dog sometimes and started having me in the bathroom as he showered and talking to each other the whole time. I do remember him telling me that it was ok that we saw each others body because he was a doctor and he was teaching me anatomy. He always used medical terms and by that summer I knew what vagina, penis, scrotum, teasticals and anus meant. He would have us both naked and point at my body explaining things then openly point to his own body parts explaining what the are and their function. He made it crystal clear that I shouldn't tell my mom about it and I don't think I would have anyhow. I liked seeing him naked but not sure why and there was nothing sexual about it in my mind. I think it fascinated me just seeing his penis and the way he explained things to me always interested me. The summer after 5th grade is the first time he actually touch me and with my mothers knowledge. I was sick one day and he called my mother at work asking if she would like him to check me out. Both my mom and I always believed he was a retired doctor so my mom approved. He purposely put me on the phone with my mom which I am sure he did to justify what he was going to do. He had me take all my clothes off, first taking my temperature then examining my body from head to foot. For the first time he touched my vagina and anus. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed and honestly thought little of it afterwards. He had a stethyscope which confrimed in my mind that he was a doctor. For almost the next two years we saw each other naked two or three times a week. It was so common by this time I saw nothing wrong with it even when I began to develop. It started slowly but for about a year and a half he gave me physical exams regularly and more often if I had a cold or didn't feel good. I always did what he told me and I can never remember him ever treating me badly or ever being grumpy. He was so sweet to me I liked being with him and never saw him angry. My mom totally trusted him and it was obvious she liked him very much. She dated two different men over those years and sometimes left me with Alex over the weekends if she went away somewhere. Her and Alex were never romantically involved probably because of their age difference. While in 6th and 7th grade the physical exams Alex gave me became more frequent as he would tell my how my body was changing and explained puberty to me. I was naive enough to believe everything he said and submitted to anything he asked of me. Then one time when he examined me I had an orgasm and again he explained it to me telling me it was a natural reaction. He never pentetrated my vagina but often inserted his finger in my anus and began arousing and having me orgasm on a weekly basis, or more. He had me convinced there was nothing wrong with what he was doing and told me I had an over active reaction, whatever that meant. I was perfectly content with Alex and my mom was completely in the dark over what was going on between us. That year she got transferred to Binghamton, NY and I was very depressed that I wouldn't see Alex anymore. The next few years I still got birthday cards and a Christmas gift from him and my mom and I spoke to him on the phone several times a year mostly around holidays. I never considered that he was abusing me until I went to high school. I knew more and started thinking more about how he maneuvered me, first into the nudity and then the physical exams. As often as I did see him naked he never had me touch him and I don't remember but a few times ever seeing him with an erection. I began thinking how everytime he had me climax he would always insist it was me who was overly sensitive. He made it clear each time that he had nothing to do with my reaction to his examination. I had graduated high school and the following fall was the last time either my mom or I had spoken to him. His sister called who we also knew well when we lived in Harrisburg and informed us he had died. My mom and I drove back for his funeral and met some of his family members we never knew or saw before. They had a luncheon after the services and I spoke to many in his family. I never knew his wife but met his sister-in-law at the luncheon and spoke to her for a long while. She said her sister had died a few years before my mom and I moved in next door to Alex and they were married for 29 years. The more she talked the more I started to find out about Alex and learned that he was never a doctor. He worked for the cable company in Harrisburg and retired after his wife died. I'm 27 now and as much as I understand how I was controoled by him and molested over those years still cannot really hate him. I never told my mother he wasn't a retired doctor knowing how upset she would be. She knew he examined me a few times when I was sick but never knew how often he did or how he continuely had me undressed. Even now she doesn't know I had ever seen him naked and over all this time I have never told her. When I was young Alex had me convinced it wasn't any of my mothers business and I kept the secret about it. When I finally began to realize what he had been doing to me I was to ashamed to tell her anything and kept it to myself. After initially being aroused and satisfied by him I think I began to crave his attention and liked being stimulated by his exams. At the time I knew what he was going to do and believe now I truly enjoyed it when he got me aroused and had me orgasm, often several times during one exam. I was never embarrassed by it and after the first few times thought it was part of the exam even though he always mentioned how sensitive I was. Why I never felt any humiliation about it I'll never know. Many times as he examined me over that time he was also naked which is a dead give away for a pedophile. Knowing he was one, for some reason I just don't hate him. I still think about him and am torn between whether I should be angry about it or the reasons I never told my mom.