My First Kiss
Posted Jan 17, 2013 by anonymous | 287 views | 3 comments
My first kiss was in a dream…I don’t remember how old I was, but it couldn’t be more than 11 or 12. I was so young, I had no clue what sex was or what a real kiss entailed, but I remember that kiss as clear as day. In my dream I was an adult, I was leaning against a car and I was being kissed. I could feel a warmth on my face and as I opened my eyes, I could tell it was a sunny day outside and the brightness of the sun, blinded my eyes. When I was able to focus on the person before me, I noticed he had the bluest of eyes and dark hair…I always imagined it as black; it wasn’t short or long. I’m not sure how I know I was leaning on a car…maybe that part is made up but I could feel I was leaning on something and it was outside. That kiss helped me through plenty of painful nights. Whenever I laid in my bed crying and begging God to end me so that I could be free…I could swear that He would assure me that I wouldn’t always feel as alone as I did at the moment. I would hold tightly to my pillow…tears in my eyes…wishing that that day would come…quickly. Since then, I’ve been married twice…had three kids and I have never met any man with the bluest of eyes and darkest of hair. I always imagined that maybe he didn’t have to look exactly like in my dream…so searching and hunting for this dream, I got lost so many times. I looked for him in every man’s eyes, touch and kiss. Today, I’ve stopped looking and even pray that I was completely wrong…that the dream was only a dream. I’m hollow and tired. There is nothing left to offer…only pain, bitterness, fear and hopelessness. I neither want to find him or him to find me. In my hunt I managed to dirty my soul and love…I filled my life with secrets and regrets trying to find him. Now, I know I have to be alone.
Commented Jan 18, 2013 by anonymous
If you try to hide he'll find you. Funny thing about love is that it happens when you least expect it. You may have had a shameful past but it's beautiful what love can conquer. Don't give up, just stop searching.
Commented Jan 18, 2013 by anonymous
It was a wonderful dream. Treasure it, but don't let it rule your life. No man is perfect, so accept that fact. Look for someone who makes you laugh, who makes you feel safe, who loves you. He won't be perfect, but he will be yours.
Commented Jan 18, 2013 by anonymous
Come out of dream baby. It is the reality world.