Hi. I've been going through depression for a year now.Im 12 and my big brother is 18.Ive been keeping this in for 3 years and i can't hold it in any longer.Lets start with the beginning.It was a Sunday and everyone was gone doing there own thing and i had just gotten up from bed.My big brother who was 16 at the time was in his room playing his game.I went in there to see if he was up.He told me to go get a glass of water for him so i did.Next thing i know he told me to come to his room.I went in there and he's showing me a porn video.I didn't know what this was and he said "do u wanna try it?" No i said.I got up and went to the bathroom and he said let me in for a second.I opened it and he undid his pants and i saw is penis.I was so disgusted by it i wanted to throw up.He said lets play doctor.That was my favorite game to play when i was 10.It wasn't sexual though.I was up first.He said u got to get undressed first.This was a new thing to the game.I didn't want to do it but i wanted to play with him.So i did and he inspected my mouth first.He kissed me and then French kissed me.I wanted to slap him right then and there.But i thought it was apart of the game so i went along with it.Next thing he checked was my breasts.He touched them and played with them for a minute and then sucked on it.It felt a little tingle go through my body and didnt like what was going on.But then he went to my vagina and he touched it,played with it,opened it,stretched it, and i was so uncomfortable with it.I said i was done with the game.But he said wait you will like this part.It was his turn i skipped the mouth and he didnt notice and i went down to his penis and he said inspect it like i did.I didn't want to but i did it anyway.Then he said i have a pain where your touching there doctor could u kiss it to make it feel better?I said its not red and there's nothing there but he said it hurts in the inside.So i did.I gave it like a millisecond.He said doctor thank you!It still hurts though will i u maybe lick it a little?Now i was very uncomfortable with this game.I was shaking my head no.But then he said ill give u 5 dollars and a lol somthing else if u do.(I was a sucker for money).I was still shaking no but he said only for 30 seconds.Please doctor.Then i said fine.I put my tongue on his penis and i felt his legs go upward.I picked up head up and he said 25 more seconds.I went down again and did it.I could feel him going up and down with his legs and i heard him moan just a bit.I said im done.I didn't like this but i wanted the money and i wanted what was a "lol something".So he said now my turn.He gave me the money and he told me to lie down.I did so and Next thing i know his tongue is in my vagina!I tickled just a bit but i didnt like to be tickled so i said stop.He said u dont like it?I said i dont like getting tickled.But he kept going for a little longer i closed my eyes and tried to sleep because i was tired a bit.Now he said get up.I did and he said come over.He said sit down on this and see how it feels.I said will it hurt?Nah he said.I trusted him so i went down slowly.(This was anal).And when it was in there wanted to scream,cry and run to my roll but he said relax.Shhhhh relax you will like it.But I hated it.He said dont get up or it will hurt worse.Then he said to up and down i said no.Then he put me doggy style.And was humping me and i tried to get up but he had a grip on me.I started to cry a bit.Then he pulled out and white stuff came out.(I know its cum now).I said WHAT IS THAT!He said shhhh Its just milk.It looked like it but somehow i new he was liein to me.He got up and go dressed and went to his room.I had to go pee but i couldn't because it burned so badly.I cried ther for 5 minutes.But I went up from the toliet to my room.and slept.Since then i have had bad dreams and depression had struck.I broke down once in class.But didnt tell.What should i do?Hope everyone who reads this has a great day.