okay.. um. i hope this makes me feel better. okay so. i've been with my boyfriend for.. almost eleven months now. and like a month and a half ago we started having.. i guess u could call it half sex. u know, everything but the real thing, and i mean everything. and i never felt guilty because i knew that i wasn't just doing it w/ some random guy just for pleasure. it was my guy plus it took us like nine months to get that far ne way (save he does go to a boarding school 9 months out of the year)but ne way. everything was fine. nothing more than what we were doing is what we agreed. and we can compose our selves fairly responsibly. i didn't feel bad about ne thing cause i'd told my close friends and my sisters and i'd never had to actually lie to my mother... until last week. ugh okay. so last weekend we went to my aunts house for a few hours. and my aunt is... weird. lol. she doesn't shy away from the topic of sex, she's kinda crude. so my mom, my sisters, my aunt and i were sitting around the picnic table (thank god my uncle and my dad were no where near) and my aunt was like 'so laura, what have u done w/ him' and i'm sitting there. both my sisters know. and i'm like 'uh nothing.' and i felt guitly for the first time. i flat out lied to my mother. and it took so much in me that night not to accidently blurt out stuff because my aunt was talking about... male anatomy and several times i almost said something. but remembered taht i would never get to see my boyfriend ever agian if she found out. AND THEN. this is the worst part sunday morning. i get up to go to church. my whole family's there. what's the sermon about?? LUST. LUST GOD DAMN IT. so i'm sitting there the whole time stewing in my uncleanliness. and then the pastor is like. 'this concludes the last sermon on the seven deadly sins- if u pull out a slip of ppr in ur bulletin you can write your conffesions and come up and put it in this basket.' and i'm like HELL NO. so i had to confess somewhere. may god help me. lol. i've thought about stopping doing all this, and i just might. but we'll see.