I’m sick of looking at pictures of places, I just want to go somewhere inspiring. I’m sick of hearing about different careers, I just want to find something I love that I’m good at. I’m sick of worrying about cliques, I just want to be surrounded with people who understand me. I’m sick of waiting for my life to begin and finally feel like it’s already begun, like I’m living each moment to its fullest, that I’m not wasting every breath on something not as wonderful as it should be. I’m sick of feeling like I’m too special to have such a mediocre life. I’m sick of feeling like people don’t understand me, and not being sure that I understand myself. All I want is to have a life with a purpose. Have a direction. Have a goal, that way I’ll be able to feel as if I’ve reached one. Maybe I don’t have to be the complex girl. Maybe I can be the girl knows what she’s doing and is glad she’s doing it. Maybe I could be the girl a boy could adore. Maybe I could make sense out of nonsense. Maybe I could stumble onto the life I belong living. And for once, it would be nice if someone could understand my madness. If someone could act like what I’m saying wasn’t bizarre but perfect, in a mad scientist meets spiritual art kind of way. And that the few people who did understand it didn’t run away from it. The day that someone meets me, understands me, and not only accepts me but appreciates me, in a sort of “there’s no one else in the world like her” sort of way, they will be the person that can have me forever. And I say can because I genuinely think that person would be lucky. I think I am something beautiful. Meaningful. Magical. Only because I know I don’t want something that fits into a mold. I want someone so unique, so original, so beyond replaceable, and I want someone that wants that in return. In the end I’m sick of being too scared to be myself because I know that myself is something unique to society, and people’s general state of being. Because most people are replicas of the same judgments and misunderstandings. That shouldn’t be a norm anyone wants to fit in. Thank god high school is over, because that’s practically what it’s all about. But now that I’m out, I’m not afraid to say fuck you to the self proclaimed perfect, and be willing to admit that I really don’t know anything about anything. But be confident enough to know that I’m someone worth knowing, I’m someone a person should want to get to know. Because even if I’m bat shit crazy, a little dramatic, and hard to understand sometimes, at least I’m different. And in a world full of copies, that’s most important to me.