Life
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 147 views | 0 comments
I am not happy. I do not like my physical body. I'm color blind, legally blind, have tourette's syndrome, trichotillomania, anxiety, severe shyness, and generally lack confidence. I am so skinny that it is grotesque yet I have nearly no appetite and could very comfortably go for days without eating. When I eat, I feel very sick and begin to cough violently, as my throat fills with phlegm. On two occasions that I remember, I have vomited after eating because of the discomfort of my stomach when there is food in it. For this reason, I cannot eat very much in one sitting and must rely on constant nibbling at small snacks throughout the day. I am severely depressed and very lonely. I haven't laughed in a long time, other than fake chuckling for appearances. I am having problems with my sexuality. Sometimes I find myself wishing that I was a woman, and I have found that I do not shun affectionate physical male contact, though I do not enjoy or entertain thoughts of gay sexual activities. I truly believe that I have been, and continue to be, abducted by aliens (the 'grey' type). I have constant nightmares and visions of them. My frequent attacks of sleep paralysis only serve to compound and reinforce this fear. As my energy for living life diminishes, I find myself feeling very sad. Once there was an energetic, enthusiastic, happy child. Now there is a sullen husk of a man who has very little hope for the future, both of his life and of the world at large. I don't know what to do other than to continue existing and waiting to see if things get any better. So far, they only continue to slide downhill. God help me.
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