Hello Nick, I have to tell you something, and I don't know how to do it. I want to start off with telling you something I do know how to say. I love you. That's the truth. The fact that I love you is the same thing that has kept me from revealing this to you. Now I have no choice, and I know that. I kept telling myself there was going to be this happy ending, I know now that this is something that has no other course of action, but me breaking your heart, and you hating me forever. Sadly this is no joke. I've told you the worst lie possible, and was never brave enough to tell you the truth. It was a completely selfish move on my part, I didn't plan on anything ever coming out of our meeting each other in a yahoo chat room. Then we both got feelings, and fell in love with each other. I kept telling myself that I'm gonna tell you today, everyday I woke up, I wanted to tell you, I wanted you to know, but in my own selfish way, I just couldn't lose you. You made me feel better then anyone ever has in my life. I let that cloud my judgment, and now I'm here wishing I would just die. Because I do KNOW that I could never have you. And that the one person I've ever truly loved, I've hurt in the most serious of ways, by living a lie for far to long. Not only because of the lie that I've told you, but also because of the truth of it all. I never had any intentions on hurting you. Everything I've ever told you is true, except for this, Your worst fear. I'm sorry I let this happen. I'm not sorry for loving you, or for feeling your love. I do believe that you loved me for who I am. Maybe even the way I made you feel. I am sorry that I took away what we both wanted so dearly, and for waisting so much of your time. I truly do love you, and will never stop, and will hurt FOREVER for what I've done. I just want you to know that somehow I always told myself that it would work out, and that is why I've let this go on for so long. I can't believe that we can never be together just because of who I truly am. I know that you can find someone who will love you stronger then I ever could. Someone who could truly give you everything You have ever wanted. Someone with the looks, smarts, and heart that you deserve. I will always live with the memory of how much you really loved me. I know it will be enough to last me the rest of my life. I know right now I'm the worst thing that has ever happened to you. I hope one day you can look back, and I wont be just a bad memory. I hope you can remember the love I have for you one day, and smile back on it. I know that you can't, and won't want to come out here after this. I will pay for the ticket, it's my fault that you bought it, because I was a coward. I wanted to buy it, but I wanted you to know the truth first. I just couldn't tell you. Now it's far to late. For me to change anything, or for you to ever believe how much I truly love you. I just wish I would Die. Again I'm not even brave enough to make that happen. It is very early Monday morning as I'm writing this, I've decided to wait to send you this till I get up for work tuesday. It's just one more selfish move on my part, but I will not apologize for this one, I just want one more day before both of our lives are changed forever. One more night I can have in my heart for the rest of my life. Please never forget how much I LOVE YOU. Id really Love nothing more then to be with you forever. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I can ever have that though. It hurts more when you break your own heart, and someone else's in the process. I'm so sorry. Forever broken, Robert